Elusive Yesterday’s

2 Corinthians 4:10 “We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.”

I am learning yesterdays can be filled with woulda, shoulda, or, coulda’s, aka self-condemnation or regrets. I thought I would share what I have learned thus far on this journey: 5 years after my life fell apart in a mere 11 minutes.

The people that walked with me tended to either help me justify and fuel the anger at the happenings in life (allowing that to be my identity: widow) or love me enough to cry and then walk with me through the grieving process.

Healing is difficult. To me (but on a grandeur, more encompassing scale):

It’s a belief that I am not defined by the happenings in my life either by poor choices or an evil/sick world. It’s believing I have a greater purpose. It’s believing I was not created for the purpose of making me happy: I am not the center of my world. It is believing I can and should move forward through difficult/impossible situations, gaining strength, like building muscle using resistance. It’s believing I was created to hold out a helping hand to the next one I come upon that is where I was, even if that was just yesterday. I know I am not the same today. It’s being so full of hope and faith it overflows, like when I overpour my precious coffee. When I help someone else it doesn’t drain me (as Dan Mohler says) because they are just splashing in my saucer of overflow.

What are elusive yesterdays?

I’ve had many! This could be a disease (like living with the “living death” of a cancer diagnoses–not my description but one given to me: the death of the the fairytale “forever” dream), death itself, or unforeseen financial ruin where taking a step back is presumptive as that option is unavailable. For others, it is a situation that is the direct result of selfishness on one or both parties. Even an apology does not compensate for the destruction caused.

Yesterday’s with people pain:

The price of repayment some hold for another for the wrongs inflicted is life itself. They will forever view that person as guilty and evil. There is nothing a human can do to make up for the pain they caused. The truth is: that debt can and has already been paid by one man. Acceptance of payment is a choice. With that is forgiveness and release, not for/to the debtor but the debtee (yes, that really is a word). Those who have walked with me the longest know the release I had to choose for the “sale” of a precious life (previous blogs).

Errk! What about the one in “the red?” The one who caused the wounds and deep scars? There is no turning back the clock, no matter how much we wish for that time to be returned.

What people who are much more intelligent then me say the most sincere apology is not lip service but change. When it comes to past hurts: have they owned what they did? If not, I am greater than their weakness. My identity is not the sum of their shortcomings because we are the mirror image of the Great Designer.

In my walk, when I finally did let go, I had to accept that an apology–even admitting a wrong doing–would never come. Their shortcomings no longer define me: whoot, whoot!

You are strong. You are beautiful. You are patient. You are loving. You are gentle. You are self-controlled. No one can take your identity no matter how hard they or the world tries. Walk-in confidence knowing that you are perfect in His sight and you were put on this earth not to impress anyone else. Heavenly Dad adores us but love is not control. The Creator’s design didn’t include robots that reflect His heart. Crap happens because the world is full of sin and hurtful people living to please themselves and not Him.

What now?

Imagine a world of people who stop serving themselves but live only to please the One who is Love. Wow, what a world. Though that is not the current reality, we can choose to walk in His design. We can reflect His goodness, faithfulness, forgiveness, grace, and mercy. We can show the world who He is by the way we are. Though we won’t always be perfect, humbleness covers a multitude of sins with quick repentance when we know we’ve offended (sometimes we have to be told because we still suck at mind-reading). If we don’t know we won’t/can’t change. In this world of the Designer, let’s practice being open and honest! Let’s tell each other if/when we have offended or the other option is to not live in expectation. THAT is the very best definition of love.

Can we walk this out together? Until next time: blessings!

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