Who Are You?

I Corinthians 13:12 “For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.”

“It’s raining, it’s pouring, the old man is snoring. He went to bed, bumped his head and didn’t wake up until the morning.” It IS raining but Eric is NOT old and as far as I know he hasn’t bumped his head. He woke up hours ago, so I think that would qualify as middle of the night, not the morning. It’s fun, none the less, to remember things from our youth.

I remember laying on the floor, on my back, across from one of my siblings. We would press our feet against each other and go back-and-forth, back-and-forth, back-and-forth, like climbing stairs and sing this chant. Why? I have no idea. It was just a rainy day activity to entertain wee ones.

We didn’t worry about what we were going to wear. It was enough of a challenge to figure out how to get the shirts over our heads and the right arm in the right sleeve. There was no worry at night as to IF there was going to be breakfast. When we awoke, hot oatmeal or cereal was always available. As we got older, my mom’s special breakfast bars or muffins along with a vanilla milkshake (she said it was the same same as a glass of milk only all of us would drink it—LOVED her reasoning!!!) would be ready to grab before running out the door to the bus.

There was little thought or concern about what we were going to do, when we were going to do it or with whom. We got up, went to school, came home after an hour on the bus and did homework. One of the most unusual things happened next, my mom’s rule: we had to have devotions before the TV came on. Honestly, not a lot of the words lept from the page to my heart. It was more a matter of, “how fast can I read and get through this?” Admittedly, one part of that regiment stuck: God is the priority. I would thank her times a million, if I could, because I know I never did while she was living.

“For now we see in a mirror dimly,” When I was a child running to and fro, I would look in the mirror and it didn’t matter about the lighting. A quick glance while running a chunky yellow pocket comb through my hair and I was out the door.

 “but then face to face.” As a teenager, the mirror at home was a daily frenemy. I’d swear I walked out of the house with every hair in place and pimple popped. The fluorescent lighting of the girl’s bathroom at school told a different tale. In THAT reflection I would see a cyclone headed girl with eighty-four whiteheads (more than a slight exaggeration) staring at me. Who was that person looking back at me in the mirror, I wondered.

Life takes turns, as it always does. Middle school began in Indiana but was completed in Pennsylvania. High school was an adventure starting in Pennsylvania then veering to Indiana with an added sub map for a homeschool route. This path helped the excursion to Virginia and then the expedition to Minnesota with night school. The destination for completing and receiving the illusive high school diploma came to fruition back in Virginia! The answer to “Who am I, really?” became more of a quest than question.

“Now I know in part;” I had suspicions of who I was, but one has to acclimate to the culture in which they are immersed. The positive was the varied experiences in different states. These opened doors that would have remained unseen. Often we develop tunnel vision as we embrace and accept a “normal” way of life. One person’s “normal,” however, is another person’s “weird.” If not for many displacements, I might have set limits of involvement in an effort to be accepted or impress the individuals surrounding me.

“then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.” Everyone goes through some sort of self awareness. It was important to me that Taylor didn’t have to struggle to see hidden doors of opportunity or possible interests. We wanted as much information/many tools in her toolbox as possible for her to assemble and produce her identity.

Taylor was raised with God being #1 and she knew He created and instilled loves and passions within her. It our our job, as parents, to open the door and shine the light on the path He laid before her.

She tried or played nearly every sport we could find, participated in drama’s and sang in choirs on stage. She played clarinet and participated, successfully, in marching band. We fostered so she was an only, youngest, middle and eldest child. We hand made Christmas cards and candy, annually, to give away and volunteered at the Depot, a local non-profit. As if she wasn’t well-rounded enough, she lived in two houses that were repossessions. Her best Christmas present EVER was a bedroom door! She now values the little things.

Some activities she enjoyed, others she did not. When it came to fostering, no one really speaks of the affects on/to the bio child. She was hit, bit, pinched, spit on, stolen from, and punched in the stomach. She learned to love, celebrate, win, lose, deal with disappointment, heartache, and grief. We consider her well rounded.

The above mentioned experiences created opportunities for self awareness. She blessed my socks off the other day when asked,”One thing your mother said…” and her response was: “Better or best?” When we made a decision it wasn’t based on right or wrong but,”Is this the better or best thing I can do for the situation?”

The bottom line is: Taylor is authentic. If you meet her, know that the person in front of you is the person she is behind closed doors. I truly believe God did an amazing work and I will always be in awe that He used me for such a perfect creation. She is fully known because she fully knows who she is. My prayer is that you do, too.

Until next time: Blessings!


Author: Tracy Cook

Widowed one week before our 27th wedding anniversary, Heavenly Dad continues to carry me, now blessing me with a second chance for love.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *