Proverbs 10:18 “The one who conceals hatred has lying lips,
and whoever utters slander is a fool.”
ONLY hatred? Yes, that’s a strong feeling and emotion but that’s only one of the many uglies I conceal trying to be “the good Christian girl.”
Admittedly, at this very moment I can’t think of anybody that I hate. Hate is a very strong emotion. As much as that is true, when somebody pulls out in front of me, I’m not feeling Godly love. When somebody stabs me in the back, I’m not thinking about inviting them over for a bonfire. When someone purposefully puts me down in front of others to build themselves up, I’m not quietly praying a blessing on them….but I should be.
Sigh, it’s that time again. My suitcase is calling, my notebook is located for the next chapter, and it’s racing through my mind as to where to look for my pack of highlighters. My Dani Johnson dental appointment is on the horizon and approaching quickly.
Eric and I were listening to one of Dani’s seminars this weekend. It reminded me of what I’m going to be taking in when I go to Dynasty. It was almost like a pre-rip off Band-Aid before ripping off the actual Band-Aid. She’s talking about ego and what all that entails. How using fear is an excuse to get out of things that I feel (Notice I didn’t say “that make me feel” because nobody can “make” me feel anything. I have to choose my feelings and reactions-ouch!!) is EGO.
This morning as I am doing my morning routine, two steps slower from being up late last night going to small group, this verse popped up. Instantly, I am reminded of how easy it is to not really work on anything, just hide or tuck it away. I might even pretend it’s just not there. This verse reminded me that “faking it till you make it” just makes me a glorified liar. Ouch! Convicted again! Nailed to the wall… .
What the heck! I didn’t like this train of thought. I don’t feel like I’m lying but having self-control. Heavenly dad then revealed that self control isn’t holding onto feelings or emotions and masking them. Self control is learning to let go of them as soon as possible. It’s not me controlling. It’s about me giving “it” to the controller.
Since the band-aid was off, why not see where the wound came from? Essentially, why do I do what I do? Why do I pretend? Why do I hold onto the uglies? Because it’s comfortable, familiar and gives me an excuse to do things I know I shouldn’t be doing: eating that extra two fistfuls of gummies or half a box of cereal. Maybe I choose to skip out on a meeting, with the excuse, “No one listens to me anyway.” I might choose not to go to a family event because “everyone judges and compares.” I use those uglies and plug them in whenever I see it’s beneficial to me. But is it really?
Psalms 31:24 “Be strong, and let your heart take courage,
all you who wait for the Lord!”
Coming clean, it’s the way it’s always been. The only way to change the situation is to change me. Change is hard. It hurts. It’s scary and I’m not brave. It’s dying to self and admitting that life could be better if I just get out of my own way. Cutting to the core, Heavenly Dad has the courage and I can ask for it if and when I want to. It comes down to ego and I’ve got way too much of that.
My conviction for this week? Stop being a sanctified liar. Deal with the feelings by admitting that they’re there. Don’t pretend that I’m something that I’m not or don’t feel what I feel. Heavenly Dad knows the truth and loves me anyway, so why not admit it to myself?
John 8:31-32 “So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, 32 and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
The truth will set me free to… .
I’m am praying for you! Until next time dear friends: Blessings!