Not Who I Was

Genesis 9:16 “Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.”

I was listening to Mark Gungor talking about his interpretation of this verse. He thought it was interesting that the All Mighty/Knowing God put a reminder in the sky for…Himself. WHAT?!?!

I’ve got more uglies to confess. Are you ready? Errrk! “Why the heck, do you feel like you need to confess to US?” you might be asking. I’ll let Heavenly Dad answer,” Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” James 5:16. You are my “one another” and I hope you are praying for me. I am praying for you.

Here go the uglies: I struggle with feeling stupid and unnecessary, basically a waste of space. I will always wish that Arch was still here instead of me and there is a gentle jealousy of where he is now. On the flip side, though he gets to hang out with my mom, his family, and our two kids that went before Taylor, I am blessed with the anticipation of holding our first grandbaby in February-he has to wait for that one :o).

Eric is a blessing as he challenges me when I express those uglies (they seep out on occasion) that those are lies from the evil one. Though he doesn’t say those exact word, he gets the point across. One symptom of these, or proof-ugh, is defensiveness. Has anyone ever told you something you already knew but instead of quietly shaking your head in agreement or saying something like,”I’ve heard that, thank you, and I agree,” you say a blunt,”I know,” almost cutting their legs out from under them?

This “symptom” was one I was not even aware I was struggling with until it was pointed out when we started a new computer system. I thought I was helping! At least that was my justification to speed the training and fast forward to a point yet unlearned. Instead, all I did was frustrate the trainer and hinder my progress. This lack of teachablity (is that a word, lol?) was brought to light in the reflection of the interaction with the trainer. The more “I know’d” things, the more closed off they were to wanting to train. Shame on me.

This ugly is one I felt was justifiable. I mean, I know what I know, right? By “knowing” I felt I had value and worth, aka, I wasn’t stupid. This is where Dani Johnson in May and her “Ego” teaching (I hate that one) along with this verse, comes into play . If God is ok with reminders, why aren’t I? Am I better than God? NOT!

This one was/is not an ugly that dies easily. In the December 11, 2018 Hillsong Devotional Blog the writer stated,”I once heard a professor at my university say, ‘The stronger our understanding of our identity in Christ becomes, the more our self-worth grows’. ” That was an amazing challenge to see myself as Heavenly Dad sees me. I love scripture, Heavenly Dad’s personal letter to me, so this is who He said I am:

2 Corinthians 5:17 I am a new creation, the old is gone (like, forever!)

John 1:12 His Child

Romans 8:17 Heavenly Dad’s heir

2 Timothy 1:7 Given the spirit of power and love and self-control (not saying that I always use or even remember that, darn ego)

Colossians 3:12 He wants me to be like Him so he empowers me to, “Put on holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience”

Romans 8:28 Assured: even when crap happens, He is going to turn it around and/or use it for my good (new sprouts after a devastating fire)

Matthew 10:29-31 Valued and provided for by my Heavenly Dad

There are sooo many more scriptures describing who I am in Christ and why he sacrificed Himself for me, I have barely scratched the surface. The more I embrace His promise that I am His, the less it mattered for me to prove that I was right or tell people what I thought I knew. It wasn’t as important as resting in the assurance that I was and am important to the only one that really matters.

Another area of focus is on what He did for me. He sacrificed His life. Could I not sacrifice a little ego in exchange for teachablity, kindness, gentleness, self control, and ultimately a testimony of Him? Could I even go a step farther and THANK them for their help? Whoa!

I am not who I once was, but I have a long way to go.

I have a surprise for next week. The suitcase is out and so is the passport! Until next time: Blessings!

Author: Tracy Cook

Widowed one week before our 27th wedding anniversary, Heavenly Dad continues to carry me, now blessing me with a second chance for love.

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