John 8:31-32 “So, Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, ‘If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.’ “
Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world,[a] but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
I Chronicles 29:14 “But who am I, and what is my people, that we should be able thus to offer willingly? For all things come from you, and of your own have we given you.”
Today is different.
Have you ever found out something late, that if you would’ve known and made different decisions based on what you NOW know, your life truly would be different? That’s what just happened to me.
I’m not mad. I’m not angry. I’m not happy, sad or anything in between. I am numb. Have any of you experienced this? Maybe it was a job situation where if you knew what you were really going be doing after you got hired, you never would have accepted the position. I was a foster parent and spoke with multiple adoptive parents that had adopted out of the foster care system. Had they known what was going to happen in adolescence, the toddler adoptive process may never have happened. Could it have been a relationship issue for some of you? Had you known this or that in their past or that they behave like that, you never would have dated them? Maybe it’s as simple as a car. You bought a car and three days later the engine went out. Had you known there was an issue, you never would have purchased the car. Now you’re in debt for a car that cannot get you to work to pay the debt, let alone pay the bill of getting the car fixed. What about the house that you purchased and then six months later the furnace blows up? OK, I’m not going tell you how many of these things actually happen to me, probably more than you think, but not the ones that you think 🙂 .
This blow kind of shook my world. My dad told me long ago when we bought our first house, “Sometimes you have to pay for your dead horses.“ What that means, if you’ve never heard it before is, you can buy a horse on credit, it can die the next day, and you still have to pay off the debt on the horse that is now dead. There’s nothing you can do about it. I hated it when he first said that, but now living life, I’ve learned that it is an undeniable truth. It will happen over and over again in just about everyone’s life.
So what do I do when it happens, “again? ” This time, I did not dwell. My sister Trina once said, “Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt.” Simply meaning “I walked this path before (Ultimately surviving, I guess).”
I take “it” to Heavenly Dad.
I started off my usual way, having my devotions and listening to music. I do Wisdom Hunters every morning and there’s always a song attached. I go from one song to another, to another, to another song. I then start going through my scriptures that are sent to me several times a day. As I’m doing this I’m praying,”What do you have for me ? What’s the reason behind this? What am I supposed to learn?” That last one is the hard one.
Some of the situations, like the furnace blowing up or an engine, was beyond anyone’s control. Other situations were because someone hurt you. It’s in those situations that I used to ask, “Why do I have to learn from their poor behavior? That’s not fair?” I laugh now. The bottom line I’ve been taught over and over for the last four years is, you can’t control other people. The only thing you can do is control the way you react to it. My reaction probably hurts me more than whatever they did to me.
I take the anger, shame, and fear, wrap it up inside and carry it with me. It eats at my gut. It weighs down my back and my soul. One or two of those things I carried for years. They were black empty holes and when that situation or person came around, my gut would jump, twist and turn, like a knife twisting afresh. Not again.
Eric and I have been talking about serving a lot lately. I shared with him last week that when I am angry or hurt at or by someone, actually, have any kind of bad feelings, it is best for me to figure out a way to serve them. Kind of a weird thought, aye? If I serve them it reminds me of the sacrifice that Heavenly Dad did for me and I didn’t deserve it (still don’t). I cannot hold a torch to the sacrifice he made for me. The little bit I can do for someone who I “feel” wronged me, is nothing in comparison.
The scriptures I posted up top were the ones, well some of, the passages He gave me to dig into, chew on and then process through, in my journey to closure. After I listen, prayed some, and read scripture, I sought out Eric. In the guidebook it says, “Where two or three are gathered there I am also.” The nice thing is he was already praying. I joined him and we were praying together. That is one of my favorite things about about marriage.
Now I go back and re-read the Scriptures. I could give you the rundown of what I get out of it, but I’m not going to (though I’ve highlighted some nuggets for myself). This time I’m just giving them to you. Maybe you are going through something: a fresh hurt, an old hurt, an injustice of some sort. I’m going let you decide if Heavenly Dad is speaking through the Scriptures in a different way, to you. I challenge you to find a friend, a spouse, or someone that you trust and lift up your concern with them. Heavenly dad will join you.
Until next time, dear friend: blessings.