The Weight of Focus

“But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.” James 3:17

The chirp of the cricket, yet unfound in the laundry room, serenades as my heart aches for my Heavenly Dad. Odd the way Heavenly Dad adds quirky touches that only resemble Him. With no access to praise and worship music for 8 days, my quiet time with HD has been truly quiet. Wafting from Eric’s speaker, the music that duets with Jiminy is pleading, “Father, I need you…,” “Fill this place with you…,” Jesus you are here now, come and do what you want to do. You will do only what you can do…,” “God, there is nobody like you… .” Mentally, I am sitting in the center of a black room. The music swirls around me like a gentle breeze, each note bringing a sparkle of light, cutting through the darkness until the room is aglow.

We are back from our vacation/honeymoon adventure and are easing back into the reality of life, only with a twist. Since I never unpacked from my move into the Cat House, Eric and I are taking an extra week to try and actually settle into the house where I have existed, but not truly lived.

With that being said, I am still processing the God winks revealed on our travels. We were blessed with the opportunity to step out of the US and see the footprints of early civilization. Through the eyes of a descendant of these people, we learned their origin, the way of life, and the downfall of this particular Mayan settlement. Religion and worship were evident everywhere we looked. One of the bells that constantly went off in my head was the fear in which these people lived, trying to please and not tick off their “gods.” Our guide explained that everything these people could not control became a god. Wow, that blew me away. Read that again: “Everything these people could not control became their god.” I do that now, do you?

If I don’t like the way I look, exercise becomes my god. The same rings true with eating habits. If I feel like I’m failing in any area, it becomes my focus and I sacrifice other important things to try and gain control. Ultimately, whatever devours my time becomes my god, to my demise, like the Mayan ruins. They never did gain control of the hurricane of destruction even though they had offered many sacrifices to the weather god.

As the music pleads for Heavenly Dad’s presence I am challenged to look inside. What am I laying on my altar to sacrifice so I can make time or please something that isn’t for me to control? Am I to give whatever it is to Heavenly Dad to teach me to balance? Is HD directing me to step away from the controlling situation completely? I ask myself: am I placing myself in situations that demand me to be someone I am not created to be? Am I causing unnecessary stress in a world I created for myself? Is this the life He intended and created me to fully live in and not hold back? I am challenged by the rubble.

“But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.” James 3:17 This verse reminded me of what Truth is and where it comes from when the world and it’s demands tells me otherwise. It reminded me of what wisdom and truth really are and to remain teachable while living in their presence. I reflect on the rocky debris and am challenged to leave my “gods” in piles at my Savior’s feet. I can run much faster in the direction He is lighting for me without the weight of my lost focus.

Those were my Mayan nuggets, but we have a story we are sharing.

Taylor and Kristian’s first Christmas was spent out of state so my granddogs came to visit for Christ’s birthday. This meant my Ohio family Christmas would be nearly impossible. Eric’s family had already gotten together in early December so he offered to stay with the fury kids for the day so I could travel to be with my family. I was grateful for the offer but felt horrible as that would mean he would be alone Christmas Eve. As it worked out, the 2018 family Christmas was canceled, so the sacrifice was unnecessary. Eric and I spent 2018 together with the fury kids and lots of potty walks.

During December I was working really hard on finishing up the tiny house Heavenly Dad had blessed me with. Eric was lending a hand and crashing there when he was in town. As the tiny house was being finished, Eric’s house was heading for closing and the start date of his new job was approaching. This put us both in an awkward situation. I had an unfinished spot he could potentially live but didn’t want to feel used. He wanted to help but didn’t want me to feel taken advantage of. What do we do? Ask the One who has the answer, but that is for another day.

Until next time: Blessings!

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