Jeremiah 18:6b “Behold, like the clay in the potter’s hand, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel.”
“Clay in the hand of the Potter?” Would that be similar to a lump of sloppy mud? Yep, that seems to fit pretty well.
In my time in Wisdom Hunters, hanging out with Heavenly Dad, they were referencing the clay in the Potter’s hand from this verse. They said it can be too wet but if it’s too dry it will crack with the pressure of molding and shaping. I couple that with my last weekend “dental appointment” (Dani Johnson—painful but desperately needed) about preparing our soil for the seed to fall on for the best harvest possible and it hits me that my life of dirt, or lump of clay, seems to be under Heavenly Dad’s microscope. For the sake of you following along and catching up to the closing chapter of my Volume One, I’m sorta going to pick up where I left off that last time: deciding to date.
After I determined that dating was my next first step, what did I do to prepare? Essentially, how did I prepare my soil and condition my clay? To be honest, that was tough.
First and foremost, I asked Heavenly Dad for direction and protection. I asked Him to open my eyes to help me see what needed to be seen and to protect my heart. I also asked Him to plop someone in my lap, but, I’m really glad He didn’t honor that one—awkward!
The weird thing about being Heavenly Dad’s kid is that He doesn’t often micro manage. We aren’t robots and that was never part of His design. He gave us the desires that are deep within our hearts and asks only that we align those with Him, keeping Him first. What does that mean? “Taaaaaylor!!!!”
Yes, wise counsel from someone who had recently and successfully dated to the point of being engaged, seemed like an intelligent place to start. She picked a website and ok’d my profile. Alas, that is not anywhere near “and the rest is history,” because that is NOT where this story ends. Not every website is for every person and I gave up in a month and a half or so. It worked out well as I was then focusing on my dear daughter’s wedding and didn’t have time for dating drama.
What is dating drama? Someone making contact with me (mom always said girls shouldn’t call boys 😉 so I tried my best to follow that). There’s the small talk that you feel like you repeat dozens of times and the list of questions you know are “ deal breakers.” This means you won’t date someone who is doing or has done certain things in their past. It’s safe to say I didn’t want to date an axe murder, for example(who knew, right?).
Shortly after her wedding, I decided to try again.
I also came up with a couple of filters(thank you Heavenly Dad for your direction). When I did do a meet-n-greet, it was away from my house and usually for coffee (shocker) and I would pay for my own. This was not a date, and I didn’t want to feel like I owed anyone. Then I’d suggest we’d go somewhere public for a walk and we’d drive separately. Walking tells a lot about a person. What’s their pace? Would I struggle to keep up with them or them with me? Can they multitask, aka walk and talk? NO! Not everyone can do that, I painfully learned. My longest walk EVER was a meet-n-greet where the dude wanted to keep stopping to finish all of his sentences😳.
I don’t know of single groups(support groups I separate as those are usually grief based) for widows and widowers, only ones directed towards those recovering from divorce. Did I mention the majority of people in my shoes were 20 years older? That alone presents a challenge.
Online is where I started looking for open doors to meet people. What did or was I doing to prepare myself for the changes and challenges ahead(preparing my soil or moistening my clay)? I prayed and spent time regular time with HD. IF He would bring someone into my life I knew that my time with Heavenly Dad would be challenged with priorities and I had to keep boundaries and disciplines in place. I have never before been so dependent but also at peace with Heavenly Dad. My fear was never being alone, it was being with the wrong person and loosing my intimate relationship with HD.
So now you know how I prepared my soil/clay but how did this actually play out? It’s safe to say, for me, the online dating thing was disturbing . Anybody can be anyone they want to be. Though I put IN GREAT DETAIL the description of the Godly man my heart was seeking, the definition from woman to man varies greatly.
My most memorable was the meet-n-greet with the gentleman with the “masters” in Bible. After the basics (I found the sooner you meet someone face to face the sooner you catch the inconsistencies in their stories) there were notable gaps in his time table of life. I feel like who we are now is the culmination of experiences and what we have overcome. Though our past doesn’t define us, it can shed light on our current reality. All that to say: the dude didn’t have a masters in Bible and the gaps were because he had been in prison twice. We all make mistakes, but owning them and coming clean is the first step at building trust—none there!
Heavenly Dad’s protection is undeniable, as I look back. When I got a “gut feeling,” prayed about it, I agreed to walk away. These were gentlemen I was really having fun talking to online—looking forward to nightly conversations in an otherwise silent house and then crazy affirmations would happen. Once I received an email from an ex wife which scared me to pieces. Thankfully, I had already told the dude I didn’t want to chat anymore (God’s protection).
I’m definitely not trying to scare anyone, but this was my reality. The closing chapters of Volume One could have looked very different had I not guarded my heart and been willing to walk away.
How did it all end? That, dear friend, is for another day.
Until next time: Blessings!