“For every house is built by someone, but the builder of all things is God” (Hebrews 3:4 nasb).
Last week I offered my tablet to Heavenly Dad to decipher the notes I had taken while attending the Dani J event. I now had a choice to make.
Have you ever reeeeeally wanted something, like a new house, to loose weight, go on the dream vacation, a wedding, graduation, whatever and then it arrives and all of the sudden you’re like,”Now what? I have worked so hard for so long, I don’t even know what is next. I don’t know how to stop this drive I have, to see the scenery on the journey I’ve been on.” Then the next day you step out, gingerly, almost afraid to just start living. You fear that in this dream, which is now your reality, the ground will collapse beneath you. For me, I start justifying reasons to stay in the “work/fighting for everything mode,” just in case, whatever the mountain I just over came, pops up again. “I wouldn’t be starting from scratch that way,” I reason. But on that path, I travel straight ahead, focused, for miles at a time. The only accomplishment is distance, not relationships, experiences, or memories. That is the cross road on which I am currently positioned.
I sit quietly by Heavenly Dad and these thoughts are racing through my head. I ask myself,”Do I have the courage to be ‘all in’?” When Heavenly Dad opens that tablet and we analyze the notes—He said they were specifically for me—am I going to FULLY trust His direction? Am I willing to get off of the treadmill of survival as He won’t make me, it’s 100% my choice.
I said I wanted, no I honestly BEGGED, for direction and some sort of a normal life. Now the Master of all has the tablet, the answer to ALL of my questions, and the perfect direction for me to start again. Why am I so scared to let go of how far I’ve come, knowing it is baby steps in comparison to where I am going to be? I’m so human, sigh.
What happens if His direction isn’t what I had in mind—what do I have in mind??? ARGHHH! Why does this feel so gosh darn difficult?!?!
Heavenly Dad is looking at me as Psalms 139:1-2 enters my mind: “Lord, you have examined me
and know all about me.
2 You know when I sit down and when I get up.
You know my thoughts before I think them.”
Crap! He knows what’s going through my head…wait, is that reeealy a bad thing? He has all the answers, so why the heck am I choosing to muddle through this by myself?
“You got me, I’m struggling. I’ve worked really hard, struggled beyond words, and cried enough tears to fill a cocoa cola plant. I…don’t want to go back. I’m scared if I take chances I will loose all the security I have painstakingly built.”
Heavenly Dad cocks His head to the right and says inquisitively,”So let me get this straight, you think YOU built that security?”
I wanted to crawl under the table right then and there.
Philippines 4:13 “ I can do all things through a]Christ who strengthens me.”
I didn’t do anything. I was a weak, limp noodle that Heavenly Dad surrounded and protected. With this realization I felt even less worthy to sit at the table (this, I feel, is just not going well).
Jeremiah 29:11 popped into my head: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Dad continued,” Whatever you think you accomplished, do you trust that you can prosper yourself more than I can? How much hope do you currently have? What does your future look like in your mind right now?”
Aaaand, that’s why He’s God. “ Where do I start?”
Dad gently replied,”I have written many directions in my Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth, handbook, aka the Bible, about confession of sins: self centeredness, putting other gods(including yourself) before me, thinking more highly than you ought to think, pride before a fall. Did you want me to go on?”
I hung my head, speaking almost under my breath,” Not particularly.” Dreading what His expectations might be for confession.
He gently placed His arm around me and said,”Give me all of your cares, worries and fears because I care for you. I’m asking, is you heart and mind ready? Will you trust me whole heartedly? That is the foundation and we can build your life from there.”
THAT was lesson number one: Trusting Completely and I haven’t even cracked the book.
Until next time: Blessings!