I’m Baaaack! Now What?

Proverbs 16:32 “It is better to be patient than powerful. It is better to win control over yourself than over whole cities.”

Last week my chat with Heavenly Dad was about me wanting a “normal” life but only in the areas of my choosing. Maybe I’m just healing…or is that an excuse? Perhaps I am self-focused, dissatisfied, ungrateful, and a tad arrogant (maybe more than a tad)?

Off to my Dani Johnson dental appointment (I call it that because I need to go, I don’t want to, but I know it’s for my good) for my heiny kicking.

Now I’m back.

Toting my blue tablet, I open the door slowly. The smell of the freshly brewed heavenly coffee begs me to come in, so I push through the door and quietly step inside.

Heavenly Dad is again sitting at the head of the table. I notice He has a cup of brew already poured in front of the the seat beside Him. He always knows the precise moment of my arrival and is prepared, welcoming me with exactly what I need to feel like…I’ve come home.

I pull back the swivel stool from the tall turquoise table and spin into place. Heavenly Dad lovingly looks at me with a huge grin, slides my coffee in front of me and my anxiety instantly melts away. I wasn’t sure where to start, but it was at that moment He spoke.

“I’m so glad you came! I love you very much and know you have been struggling with processing everything in your life. Thank you for obediently taking that First Step so we can begin this together. Do you have your notebook?” He winks because we both know He’s God and knows everything, like the fact I brought my notebook.

I take a deep breath, wanting to ask a billion questions on where to begin, how all this information fits together and how long will all of this take (patience is a process I’m learning, not one I’ve mastered).

Instead, I opened my mouth and my heart pours out. “Dad, I am so sorry. I know you have protected and provided for me every moment of my life. I am sorry I still doubt and don’t trust you. You are the air I breath, as without You I have no purpose but to serve myself. When I step away from You we both know I have attempted to fill that God-void with unhealthy choices. You always wait for me to come back, welcoming me with a hug, cup of coffee, or the perfect way, whatever that is, for me to know and feel loved and forgiven. You gave your one and only son to die so that I could even have a place at this table. I feel completely unworthy to be here.”

Heavenly Dad’s eyes soften. “Tracy, you are enough. The evil one runs rampant and the world tries to put you in a mold to be like everyone else. You will never be like anyone else no matter how hard you try. Please know and accept that I love you and you are perfectly and wonderfully made, just like every other individual that I uniquely designed. You, my child, are enough: smart enough, tall enough, fat enough, thin enough, pretty enough, hard working enough, driven enough—enough of every thing.

With that being said, you cannot be who I created you to be until you accept and trust me. Next we can begin getting you where I created you to be, but that will require dying to self/self discipline. Are you ready?”

I take a deep breath and place my tablet between us.

“Yes, Dad, I’m ready to begin.” With that my new journey begins.

Until next time: Blessings!

Author: Tracy Cook

Widowed one week before our 27th wedding anniversary, Heavenly Dad continues to carry me, now blessing me with a second chance for love.

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