Last week I was in San Diego for a work training. It’s definitely a love/hate thing I have going with this training. Dani Johnson is constantly reminding us that we can’t be who we were created to be, live up to our full potential or be successful (that’s an individual definition) until we take care of our junk in the trunk. You know what I’m talking about, you probably have just as much practice popping the trunk release, as me.
A situation comes up that makes us uncomfortable. No one likes to be uncomfortable so instead of facing the situation we put it off to deal with later. We hide it in our “trunk of life.” The weight in the trunk affects our driving speed, gas mileage and driving ability to move forward. At least we don’t have to see or deal with the junk in our trunk until WE decide we’re ready to (if ever…I’m thinking a hitch and small trailer might be a plausible next step). Control issue???? Hmmmm….
I’m coming clean for a moment: I don’t want or enjoying writing about this topic. All week I’ve been asking Heavenly Dad about the blog and He kept pointing me here so I kept pretending I couldn’t follow his finger. Have you ever done that?
Anyway, at the training DJ always talks about following the “fruit to the root.” That means if I react to something consistently, I need to figure out when it was that I was first put into the situation and why. Those events usually took place before the age of 6.
What struck my heart was the self sabotaging and lack of dreams that I have in my life. She hit the nail on the head when she asked if we, I, felt I was not ‘enough.’ “Enough of what?!?!” was running through my head, wanting her to go on to a different topic because my seat was growing uncomfortable.
Pretty enough, smart enough, fast enough, creative enough, competitive enough, Rich enough, fit enough, the list went on and on and on and on and on and on…in my head. Ooooops. I guess that answered that question. “Did the temperature just go up or was it just me?”
I should read back through my blogs to see what my last DJ ‘light bulb’ moment was. This time I found myself feeling like one of the reasons I’m not taking some risks-in a good competitive way-is I don’t feel like I will ever be ‘enough’ of any of those things. There will always be someone more deserving than me.
She then had us follow it to the ‘root’ of when the very first time was that I felt I was not ‘enough,’ and it shocked me. It played in my head as if I were back in the farm house on SR 19, the orange and yellow shag carpet, sitting on the play kitchenette someone had made out of plywood, painted white with black burners and details. The short but impactful conversation took place on the lap of a beloved adult. It consisted of one question that was never answered, I was placed on the floor and they walked out the door.
I wasn’t enough: good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, valuable enough. At the age of four I learned I would never be enough to keep important people from leaving me. BTW, when my hubby went home when I was 45, that didn’t exactly help the situation.
Dani reminded all of us that our Heavenly Dad made us perfect! Each hair as been counted for extreme accuracy. Our smiles are perfectly centered for our individual bone structure. My extreme underbite and crooked teeth? Part of His grand design. I am enough, for Him, and HE is the only one that matters.
With that crazy revelation, a fresh gust of wind swirled beneath my wings that I having been holding rigid for a very long time.
How about you? Are you ‘enough’? Oh, yeah? Says who????
The world war for this battle was against wounds long forgotten that created scars so thick that they held my wings by my side. Forgiveness releases the ties that bind and faith: I know that I know that I know His love, forgiveness, plan and design is perfect (for me!!!).
Until next time: you are ENOUGH! Blessings