Planning Randomness

It’s still night but the pups needed to go out. I crawl back into bed tired but fully awake. I hear the tick, tick-tock of the clock I have yet to hang. Whoosh, a car goes by, and then another. In the not so distance, a train whistle blares then fades as it leaves almost as quickly as it came.

I squish my eyes closed, willing sleep to revisit. Alas, adues must have been whispered because sleep is no more. The echoing sounds of town continues. Thirty minutes more and the birds have been alerted that morning has been awakened and is on it’s way. Their melodious singing trumps the blur of chaos.

Crazy as it sounds, my phone is calling my name. It’s nearly audible and beckons me to check messages or websites for updates. Does yours do that to you?

My mind drifts back to my thoughts of yesterday on the way to work. I felt anxious for no apparent reason, other than maybe fatigue. Desperate for an answer, for who knows what question, my mind longed to search the web.”It’s FULL of information,”my mind reasons,”there has to be some sort of an easy answer for my emptiness.”

That’s when my mind returned  to my last DJ training. After research, she found that there is now therapy for cell phone addiction. In that moment, yesterday, I could totally relate! My mind was absolutely positive that the answer I needed was just one or two googles away. My stomach did a flip flop.

”How do  I break the beginning of my new google mentality-asking/trusting google before/more than Heavenly Dad?”

This morning I found this passage that TOTALLY describes me:

Romans 7:18-25 ESV

“For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, …”

I do what I don’t want to do because evil(lack of self control and self focus) is that in me. That’s not an excuse, it’s just an ugly fact. “Heavenly Dad, how do I battle against THAT, which means MYSELF ?!!!”

I began inventorying why my phone is so freaking important: compact(much lighter than carrying encyclopedias), economical communication, necessity for work, safety device, time piece, morning alarm, the mental list went on. I was feeling quite defeated, to be perfectly honest. My phone is a necessity but potential addiction.

My googling mind began creating an app for addiction. What does the Bible say about when I am stuck in sin?

Romans 12:2 ESV

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

”How do I renew my mind in the midst of this addiction?” What about an app for random verses so that I click on that instead of google when I feel the urge to look for answers to questions that will not enhance my life? I typed in “random verses” and this came up:

Awesome! I’m not sure if there’s an app, but at least I can use my phone, which I have with me nearly all the time (note:  I cannot TALK any time) as a tool to fight an addiction, hopefully, instead of becoming one.

Those are my mental meanderings of the day. You have now been a fly on my wall for a discussion with Heavenly Dad(and you survived!)

Until next time: Blessings!


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