Brrrrrrng! For the first time in a while, the alarm sat me straight up in bed.”What in the world?” I had fallen into bed a little over four hours before, but there was snow that needed to be moved so I could be released from my snowy bastille.
Thump I flopped back down, contemplating how much time was really necessary to dig out (not the wisest choice when I first wake up). With weighing out extra time for the fury kids, as I would be waking them up too, I slithered out of bed, feeling lower than a snake’s belly.
I added layers to my jammies and socks and headed out to alert the pups, “It’s morning…ish.” They scampered outside while I layered gloves, hats and scarf, to easily remove as I heated up. Pups–check. They stare, confused, as this abominable snow person had taken the place of their “mom.” I waddled out to get started.
Taking a deep breath, I grabbed the shovel. This is my fault. Did I check the snowblower at the beginning of the year? No. “Way to go, Trace,” I mutter.
It’s about 3:45 am and traffic on our road is slow but busy, not that I am anywhere near the road. First I have to extricate myself from the door. Pushing the shovel through the snow I step into the crisp (or is that extra crispy?) morning air. Schoop, schoop, the metal edge hits the cement. With just a few scoops I am already warming up. The schoop, schooping continues to the end of the sidewalk. I pause and look around, grateful to be warm (sweaty, but warm). It seems so…dark. I look up and not a single star to twinkle. The sky looked hazy with gray billowy clouds masking the midnight blue. “No wonder it’s so dark.” I continue, making my way towards the driveway.
Thankfully I had parked toward the end of the driveway so I needed only to make a path wide enough to get the trash container out to the road, until I met the vehicle. Deep breath, as my nose was dripping. Several things were racing through my mind: my back was beginning to ache. What happens if I throw out my back? What happens if I can’t work? Is this the kind of back pain Archie had? How would I know if it were a backache from shoveling or cancerous lymph node crushing my spine? On and on my mind raced as I circled the vehicle then headed toward the road.
A snow plow whooshed by spraying heavy wet snow exactly where I needed to shovel. “Nice… .” No time for pity parties, and besides, that’s how I got into this mess to begin with. My sides were feeling it pretty good as I was mentally chanting,”bend from the knees, don’t bend over, bend from the knees.” Road traffic began to pick up speed with the freshly plowed roads. I breathed heavily and the frigid air was welcomed as my layers had turned into an oven after nearly an hour of shoveling. I gazed at the the blanket of white across my front yard, a sharp contrast to the murky gray darkness. “I wonder if God made snow white so it would be easier to shovel in the dark?” my mind surmised.
The snow by road’s edge was soggy and sloppy. Due to the weight, only partial shovel loads were scooped.”Will this ever get done and if yes, will I be able to move an hour later?” It seems like I have time released pain. I do something and then it catches up with me later with aching muscles and joints. To be honest, it’s been a little hard to determine the difference between the physical aches of grief and just being active, they feel pretty much the same. Who knew???
Huffing, I thrust the last of the burdensome mush atop my man-made mountain and trudged toward the house. As I walk slowly I contemplate my last hour and a half:
-I am thankful the shovel was easy to find
-Yes, my back hurts but I am grateful I am physically able to shovel
-Though the sky is nearly black, the house and trees appear to be illuminated by the blanket of white snow, at no extra expense to me!
-I appreciate, more than words can express, that things will be changing. Daily distance shoveling is nearing an end.
-Lastly: I made it through. I finished what I set out to do and needed that sense of accomplishment as a reminder that heavenly Dad provided the shovel, protected me physically so I was not injured, and He put the people in my life to ASK and sometimes not even ask but show up to help with things I don’t want to ask for help with (angels).
Philippians 4:19 “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”
I can’t say I honestly feel like I “needed” the snow, but in the shoveling it gave me precious time to spend thinking/communing with Heavenly Dad. With tomorrow being Archie’s second birthday in Heaven, I will admit, I have been running from one-on-one time from Heavenly Dad. I know I’m going to get through this with His help, but sometimes I try to convince myself that if I just stay busy, even too busy for Heavenly Dad, it won’t hurt so badly.
The sad thing is, the tears come more often when I run because I don’t know where I am running to, if not towards Heavenly Dad. I need to let the Healer heal and trust that He truly will provide everything I need.
…and somethings what we don’t even think of, like the snow He colored white, as an added bonus.
Until next time: Blessings!