Psalm 42:11a “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God…”
Stillness, quiet, the crisp wind blows and and stings my cheek. The world doesn’t feel right as I shuffle my way through the church doors to attend the funeral of a 20 year old husband and father.
I sit, face leaking, as I hear his wife, through an interpreter, say she doesn’t know what to do now. I remember when “now” began so abruptly for me. The only thing that came to mind was…pray, lean into heavenly Dad and collapse. He’ll carry you. It’s ok to be weak. You don’t have to know the next step. Don’t let go of the trust and faith and the peace will come later, maybe much, much later.
This young man helped with the praise and worship at his church and one of the songs they sang at the funeral was,”Yes, Lord,” or at least I think it’s the name of it. As we were singing, I was thinking of all of the times I almost (sometimes tried) to argue with heavenly Dad.
“Tracy, I’m going to heal Archie the very best way possible. I’m taking him home.”
“Dad! I still need him! Our story isn’t over yet…yes, Lord.”
“Tracy, you need a new vehicle and the only way I can provide one now is for yours to break down.”
“Dad! I’ve got 3.5 years left in my budget for that…yes, Lord”
“Tracy, I know you are alone, but you don’t need to feel alone. Choose to spend time with me.”
“Dad…I miss the hugs…yes, Lord.”
Oh, how I wish I could have said something to this young widow, or maybe not said anything at all, and just cried an empathetic instead of a sympathetic cry. Alas, a language barrier. Is heavenly Dad giving me a prompt? We’ll see.
For now, I leave and continue on my journey of healing moment by moment, day after day as hers is just beginning. I hurt for her, but am grateful she, too, shares my love for heavenly Dad. I will trust that he will send the right person to give comfort and stand in her gaps. I will trust that when heavenly Dad decides I am ready to give comfort, I will be ready.
For now, I will continue to trust and say, “Yes, Lord.”
Until next week: Blessings!