Song in My Heart

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.  2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Today I felt empty when I came to spend time with my heavenly Dad.

I was met on the way to work with a crack in my windshield (the windshield is only 1.5 yrs old, sigh) and a nearly empty (reflecting the way I felt) tank of gas–meaning an additional stop. It sounds pathetic, but I like to go to work then home. I don’t like stopping at the store, I don’t like stopping to get gas. Work/home, those are safe and not draining.

Heavenly Dad has been stretching me. I have been blessed with the opportunity to spend some time with a couple of gals from church. I have not done that since Taylor was in 3rd grade so, about 14 years ago. I always felt guilty leaving Archie and Taylor at home while I had a cup of coffee with a friend, but now there is no Archie and Taylor is all grown up. No excuses. Should be no guilt, but there still is. Heavenly Dad has His hands full with me–I do feel sorry for Him.

In my time of plopping down and with big eyes saying,”Do you have anything for me today?” to my heavenly Dad, He turned the tables on me. He asked,”Do you have anything for anybody else?” Ouch!

Story time:

After being told at 17 that I was fat, I told you I believe heavenly Dad sent Arch who saved my life from an eating disorder. After we got married my weight went in the opposite direction. I had no control. I would starve myself, go home and ride the exercise bike for 14 miles a day and my weight would…stay the same! What the heck! I was so depressed but the amazing thing is, Archie never saw the additional weight. He loved me just the same. He taught me unconditional love.

When I had Taylor I gave up because I didn’t have enough to care about myself because I had a precious little one to focus on (after loosing two to miscarriage I was thrilled to pieces!). I gave my weight to God and let it go. The weight went with it. I have no idea why, except by God’s grace.

Honestly, part of me is still waiting for God to change His mind.

Don’t get me wrong, over time He has “blessed” me with dairy no-no’s, deep fried no-no’s (as in I like ’em but they don’t like me), but I am still not thrilled with meat, except turkey and pulled pork (stand back and don’t get in my way!). Other than those two items, meat can go meet with someone, anyone, else (except if it’s a smoked because that is a category all in itself). Wow, that was tmi.

Those things probably help with my current condition, but He is still in control.

The song that was attached to my time with Him brought tears to my eyes. This girl had a story that painfully resembled a chapter in my own life. This is a story of her journey. I want to share it with you. :

I don’t know what your walls are that are crumbling. They maybe very different from this story, but the rocks still hurt as they crush you. I sometimes feel like I am living in Jericho where walls tumble on me one at a time and I am constantly crawling out from underneath the rubble. This song reminded me that even when I cannot hear the melodye in this life, there is still a song in my heart, placed there by my heavenly Dad. I can look to Him. I am grateful and undeserving.

To recap for myself: I was selfishly empty and wanted heavenly Dad to fill my cup. Heavenly Dad reminded me that I was put on this earth for more reasons than to be served by others and gave me this lovely lady as a reminder that every road I have yet to travel has been forged and charted by someone before me. I can seek those people out. More than that, when my path is complete, I need to offer what experiences I have had by walking with the next person going down that path.

Until tomorrow: Blessings

Author: Tracy Cook

Widowed one week before our 27th wedding anniversary, Heavenly Dad continues to carry me, now blessing me with a second chance for love.

One thought on “Song in My Heart”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *