Last night was Grief Share, so I wasn’t home much. The subject we are in the middle of:
“Live the life you’ve always imagined.”
Taylor and I were talking about that couple of nights ago. Neither of us ever “imagined” life would be like it is now, so what do you do with that? The best/most you can.
I need coffee….
Rabbit trail: Last night at Grief Share we were talking about if we could fast forward through the pain, would we? In my mind I didn’t even pause, YAH. But…the lessons, no. The biggest for Taylor and I is the dependence on our heavenly Dad. That lesson could not have been taught from the pulpit because, in all honestly, I would have dropped it at the door on the way out. This lesson is not just for us, though. If others could learn it from us, somehow, so they wouldn’t have to feel what we feel everyday, it would bring a greater purpose for our misery, er, uh, journey.
When Taylor was in elementary school she had to have laser surgery to remove between 29-35 warts from her feet. As the doctor said, she lost so much hide she had to grow skin from the inside out. Her feet looked like they had been through a blender. She was in a wheel chair for about a month, she slept in the dining room (her room was upstairs), me carrying her to the bathroom, until then she learned to crawl. After, she went anywhere she wanted in the house and nothing stopped her. Sad, but it gave her freedom and she was no longer stuck in one spot. That was summer. When school started she refused to use the crutches, would squish blood and have to go to the nurses station to change socks (yes, freaking the nurse out). Stubborn little thing. I have no idea where that comes from (winky, wink).
That is what we are doing.
It may not be pretty, but we have not allowed ourselves the luxury of staying in one spot. We forced ourselves to crawl and are now relearning to stand. Taylor wasn’t crying as she was making her way to where she was going, she was determined. So are we. We cry, but not as often because we have taken the time to do as Grief Share says, looked, studied, allowed ourselves to relive, memory after memory to where the pain was so intense we asked the Lord to take us home.
What we have learned is that there is healing in pain. If you put it away/tuck it so you don’t have to deal/think about it, you will be stuck in your sorrow. You will always be raw. The skin will never grow from the inside out because you are covering up the wound so it may look ok on the outside but there is infection growing within, a cancer, eating you from the inside out.
So what do we do with this world that was only in our nightmares, not dreams? Honestly, the horror that visited at night only dealt with the event, not the aftermath. When at the Apple Festival Taylor spotted a sign and drew my attention to it:
“Sorrow does not last forever…memories do.” (we are trusting that is true)
We may not see the how this healing thing is working but Lord willing, we have been crawling for over seven months, we are just beginning to pull ourselves up, attempting to stand. By faith, we believe we will walk, and someday, eventually run again. For now, if you want to hang out, you are more than welcome to join us on the floor. We do laugh a lot during turtle races.
2 Corinthians 5:7 “For we walk by faith, not by sight.”
What will life be like when we are running again? That would be “the life we have imagined.” I guess there will have to be a part 3 to this 2 parter.
Until tomorrow: Blessings