Haunting Words

Haunting words. That is my struggle these days.

When someone passes everyone says,”Remember the good.” You do. Unfortunately the words spoken out of frustration are in there, too, capturing my self-worth and value. Stupid, I know. I have lovely ladies who shower me with unconditional love and tell me I have worth, but the ugly words…they are the ones that steal into the silence and taunt me.

Most were said due to an ungodly amount of stress and fatigue. The number of holes left by the sharp daggers has weakened the structure of my heart and the nastys echo in the catacombs. It’s amazing how one bad year can diminish the memories of 26.

Proverbs 18:21 “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.”

Ephesians 4:29 “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

Archie always spoke of painful words spoken to him growing up, and how they molded him in ways unseen to the naked eye. He carried heavy weights of low self esteem that he was always trying to throw off by proving himself over and over again. Proving he had value, worth, he always felt he had to earn. Sometimes it seemed like whatever ground he gained, the next day he was beginning from “start”. His game of life seemed like if was never going to be “won.”

Few knew that side of Archie. His sarcasm and sense of humor concealed depths of pain.

That is where his walk with our Heavenly Dad was so incredibly vital. He would get to points where he could do nothing but look up. Our Heavenly Dad was ALWAYS there, waiting for him to let go of the pain and let Him carry it. The last year was very unbalanced and our Heavenly Dad was waiting a long time. Counseling took the reflectors off and helped us get the focus off of ourselves and again see the path from which we had veered.

He and I neither realized the long term effects of words flippantly spoken out of frustration. You know, the “zingers” said in an argument. The ones you say as a final “thrust” in the waging war of verbal assaults during disagreements. Who knew those would be the ones to linger? Did you know that? You do now.

So what do I do now?

1 Peter 5:7 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

I guess I’ll keep casting them off, over and over again, until they stay gone.

Until tomorrow: Blessings

 

 

 

Author: Tracy Cook

Widowed one week before our 27th wedding anniversary, Heavenly Dad continues to carry me, now blessing me with a second chance for love.

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