Have you ever been at a place in your life where/when everything felt completely wrong?
Grief Share says when stuck, do “the next right thing.” That’s great and I’m not stuck in bed following that philosophy, but I feel like I am spinning my wheels. I get up. I do what needs to be done, spend time with my Heavenly Dad–keeping my sanity, go to the job I love, then home, eat, sleep, and do it again.
DJ says have a vision. I wrote one out, but between point
“A,” writing out the plan, and point “B,” attaining the vision, there are many 24 hours days, very long days, between. The tread on my tires is growing thin.
Proverbs 15:22 “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”
Who do you go to for wise counsel? There are very few people in my life who have allowed themselves to be close enough to my situation to look through my glass walls and clearly see my heart. That’s a long sentence to say Heartfelt continues to walk beside me.
Though my bosses could almost be my kids, they have a closer walk with my Heavenly Dad and have made better financial decisions then people twice my age. Even more…they have refused to walk away.
I shared with them where I am at in my head, and how I am over-whelmed with the list of to-dos left to me as my “inheritance.” Since they don’t scare easily ( :0D ), they had the courage to encourage me to stick to my guns and not make any big changes for the year. Today, they took it a step further.
Last night I was in yet another funk, frustrated with my spinning wheels, tired of the same day repeating itself, like the movie Groundhogs Day. I told Taylor,”I want something to change. I just don’t know what.” I don’t want to change the world like Leo Tolstoy’s quote, I really want something tangible to look forward to. Our island life is wearing on me.
I get an e-mail from my boss saying she’s had some more thoughts on our conversation, if I had a little time at lunch. I was completely open and welcomed any and all ideas to get out of my rut. Basically, her challenge was to do one thing differently. If I don’t like my cycle, add a detour. It may not be a permanent route, but it’ll build endurance for the road I would like to be on later. Does that make sense? Basically, my 24 hours is a repetition. I spiced it up once a week with a dance class, that has now ended, but the rest of my week was still the same old-same old. Why not do something, just one thing, that I want to become a regular part of my life, away from the house, and scheduled in a way to avoid the “energy sucking” that takes place when I step inside my door? Hmmm. I think she bugged my house :). She even offered to go with me in a couple of weeks when her schedule is a bit more clear.
I realize, though, this is a path I must travel alone. I need to be ok with me.
I looked in my bag and still had my red dancing shoes (hey, I needed shoes and Taylor got them at the Depot for $2!) and socks from the class that was cancelled. I clocked out of work and off I went.
I may not know where I am going, but through the grace of my Heavenly Dad, I heard His words through the mouths of those far wiser than me. Today I made it one mile further than yesterday.