In Park

A memory popped on on FB this morning of Taylor with a (used) new car from a year ago. That car is currently sitting in the driveway, unable to move, as it is stuck in Park…for the second time in the last four months.

Kind of reminded me of me.

The last time she fought with Goldie for a week to get her out of park. She turned the steering while this way and that, tried different times of the day, hoping it was a humidity issue, ultimately having to have her towed. Bad sensor was the diagnoses.

Seriously, did you ever notice sometimes our heavenly Dad places these GIANT paperweights in our lives, you know the kind you trip over…or have to walk around in the driveway, that are shinning examples of closets in our lives? It’s like He won’t let them stay hidden or tucked away to “work on later.” No, He hauls them out, plops them directly in front of me with one quick command: “Deal!” So, now I must deal with it, dang it!

2 Corinthians 13:5 “Test yourselves to see if you are in the faith; examine yourselves! Or do you not recognize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you–unless indeed you fail the test?”

Taylor’s car is preeeeetty. It’s 2001, but from AZ, originally, and has very little rust. It purrrrs very quietly, so it looks and sounds great on the outside. Remember, however, that it is stuck in park. It’s not going anywhere. It doesn’t matter how good it looks or sounds, it is remaining exactly where it is at.

That’s kinda how I feel. I think Taylor and I are doing ok. We smile more about Archie than cry and as long as we stay in the parameters of our budgets, we are on track, financially. Spiritually? Was it just me or did that verse just say I was supposed to test myself/faith?

It’s probably referring to choosing to follow Him, but I am taking it as a command to assess myself (closet time). Let’s see, I am better about spending one-on-one with my heavenly Dad. Conversations with Him (prayer life): still a little naggy on my side with “Help me, Help me(s)”, but am working on trying to focus on the good.

Confession, at the DJ training they really nailed us to the wall about how many times we make excuses w/out even realizing it. My heavenly Dad has been trying to pull the scales off of my eyes to help me see where I need to step up to the plate and take responsibility for things that I previously thought I had a “pass” on because of my “situation.” It’s not pretty, so don’t look too close.

Praise: I stand in awe of Him. I love to tell others how He has provided in amazing ways, had people say things to me at the exact time I needed to hear comfort from Him, had promises reiterated to me through signs in stores or along road sides at the EXACT time I was in doubt. But do I take the time to tell Him? Have I given Him back  minutes of my life to just thank HIM? Not lately. I’m stuck in park.

I have a lot going on in my life–wait, that’s an excuse, let’s try that again: I have sinned. I have put a higher value on my 30 minutes of down time and doing that last detail of whatever project, than allowing myself the opportunity to focus on being thankful. Shame on me. Maybe that is why I am where I am, not moving forward.

Have you ever just quieted yourself, gone somewhere where there is no telephone, tv, computer, or disruption, just to get alone with our heavenly Dad? My favorite are sunny days, sitting with my eyes closed, feeling the glow of the sun bask over me. It sounds crazy but when I just start praising, thanking Him for the littlest of things, my attitude changes and things come into perspective.

Life can sometimes be full of “crud muffins.” I caught myself saying that today at work as we were out of my favorite coffee. A co-worker heard me and snickered. I didn’t even realize the words I was saying. Coffee is not a big bump in the road, but it CAN just add to the heap of disappoint someone has in front of them (“just another ‘thing'”).

I don’t know how you praise and sometimes its freakn hard to get started. It’s like “Wow, Father, there’s not a lot here to be thankful for because I’m hurting–oh, crap, that’s an excuse!” Though my feelings are valid, that doesn’t give me an “out” to not be grateful. Let’s try that again:

“Father…thank you for…the breath I am taking. Thank you for the legs that carry me. Thank you that my back doesn’t hurt at this moment–awesome. Thank you for the car that is currently running. Thank you for providing for that last car bill, you always provide. Thank you for my roof that isn’t leaking. Thank you for the food I have in my pantry. Thank you for the clothes in my closet.”

To be honest (maybe other’s feel this way too) sometimes I fear if I thank Him for certain things…they will be taken away. So I hesitate to thank Him for…Taylor.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

This is a promise. So I HAVE to trust.

I then begin thanking Him for the MANY aspects that He is working in Taylor’s life and then the flood gates open. It all started with one sentence of praise, for the very air that I breath and ends with me getting out of “Park.”

Until another day: Blessings!

 

 

 

 

Author: Tracy Cook

Widowed one week before our 27th wedding anniversary, Heavenly Dad continues to carry me, now blessing me with a second chance for love.

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