He Leads, We’ll Follow

Another Milestone: check.

It’s been five months since Arch went home. Seems like just yesterday, but it feels like forever ago that I’ve talked to him. This weekend he would have been proud.

Taylor and I just got back from a Dani Johnson event. We were suppose to go as a family January 16-18th. Taylor and Archie were scheduled to fly out January 13th, but if you remember, they scheduled Archie’s emergency CAT scan Jan. 13th, cancer diagnoses January 14th. He went home Feb. 12th.

The January event obviously didn’t happen. When this event came to Cleveland, no flights would have to be scheduled, and Dani Johnson was willing to help work with my situation now. Taylor and I were back on track to finish Archie’s goal of getting Taylor to DJ’s First Steps. Ummm….it didn’t quite go as planned…again.

We arrived Friday night for registration a smidge later than planned because my phone google couldn’t keep up with city blocks and kept taking us in circles (yeah :p ). Let’s just say we saw downtown Cleveland two full times. We finally got registered, then had to drive to our hotel in the unexpected sewer district, according to signs. They left that out on the advertising. I wonder why, don’t you?

We were up and out by 6:40 am, parked @ 7 am, to ensure early bird parking, and in line for the event. We had a great time chatting with a co-worker, who just happened to end up across from us, and to each other. Finally, the doors opened at 8:40ish and we were off.

Dani first gives her story of where she started off as a pregnant teen and her experiences with gaining and losing millions, ending up homeless and trying to commit suicide. She was speaking of the abuse in her home and neglect. Taylor started getting edgy.

She spoke of the effects of working long hours, neglecting family, hobbies, etc., feelings of bitterness, anger, resentment, and so on that go along with that. Taylor asked if we could just leave, she’d pay me back, she promised.

Dani went on about how we view ourselves as irreplaceable, thinking we have to do the work ourselves, but no one is. At this point Taylor is crying. “Mom, this sounds just like dad.” My response? “Yes, and that’s why he was trying to make the changes he did and why he wanted you to come. So you wouldn’t have to wait until you were 46 to learn these lessons.”

She/we made it through the morning session, and then broke for lunch. Through DJ you learn money management strategies and since Arch and I have gone to a couple, we both had healthy snacks and water. Lunch, however, was offered from the hotel for ridiculously low prices, if we were willing to split one–absolutely–so we got in line.

Taylor was just not feeling right. For the first time she questioned “why” her dad had to go. “I don’t get it mom! Dad was making the changes. Why did God take him home?” I have no answers. Besides, no answer would have taken away the pain.

I offered to stand in the extremely long line, so she could go sit down as she was beginning to feel nauseated. 10 minutes later my boss appeared. Taylor was sick and needed me, he’d stand in line for me.

This was Richard, hubby of Emma Lou. Emma Lou is the one who saw the ambulances at our house the afternoon Arch went home and stopped to see if she could help. She refused to leave when they told her she had to. It was she and Rich who were so incredibly gracious and compassionate to be willing to tell Taylor her dad passed away.

Now they had come across her when she had toooo many emotions going on in her mind and her body couldn’t handle it. Poor Taylor…Emma Lou and Richard! They saw she looked like she was not doing well and asked if she were ok, at that very moment, nausea won. We can now say these two kind individuals have seen Taylor at her very worst in almost every way possible. Yet…they remain steadfast in their love and support. Unbelievable.

I found Taylor, right where he said she would be, with Emma Lou, and her mom and dad. To be honest, I had no idea how to help her. I just hugged her and prayed until she felt like she was going to be ok.

He did stay inline for as long as I needed him. I am grateful beyond measure. I purchased her a pop, and a sandwich to split for later, then returned to her asap. Though she tried to make it through the lunch break, nausea came a calling several more times and it was necessary for us to leave. Taylor was overcome with the grief. She slept until 6 pm, just to go to bed at 8 pm.

She did make it through the next two days, taking pages of notes, and coming home with  lots of useful nuggets…along with the satisfaction that she had completed the path her dad had desperately wanted her to go down.

Proverbs 23:7a “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he”

One of our nuggets from the weekend was this verse. It’s the idea: if you think you are a failure, you will be. If you think you are successful, you will be. We act out who we think we are, and often our self-worth is rooted in our insecurities. This translates into our work, home, and relationships.

This was only one of the nuggets our heavenly Dad revealed to Taylor this weekend. I am grateful He allowed Archie to share his heart with Taylor through this event and Taylor was able to see the change that had taken place in her dad. Now it’s up to her if she wants to follow his and His lead.


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