But what do you do when your dreams never are going to come true?
In Taylor and my discussions, the one thing we both agree on is our dreams. One of the ladies from Grief Share said she rarely, if ever, dreams about her hubby who passed away. Taylor and I both dream about Archie on a regular basis.
Both of us say that in our dreams we are living life as usual, carrying on conversations, going places and then some odd conversation comes up referencing the future and then both of our dreams get weird when we all realize that Archie(him, too) has actually passed away and will not be joining us in whatever the future plans were. We both wake up exhausted and feel like we haven’t slept. Two or three nights of dreaming can set us back a week. I’ve been staying up til two am just to make sure I’m too tired to dream–I get more sleep that way!
Taylor knows people who view interpreting dreams as a gift. I respect them as individuals, but neither one of us are desiring a “hidden meaning.” We both miss Arch everyday. There’s nothing weird or hidden in that. We were a family of three for 21.5 years, so he’s going to be hangin out with us in our dreams for a very long time.
My head tells me (in basketball lingo that our fam spoke) that as we experience more as a family of two, building more memories on our just-forming new foundation, we will become more comfortable with letting him sit on the sidelines, instead of center court.
Right now, however, the dreams we had six months ago refuse to let go. Ohhh, they are suborn. Again, the head says we have to release them to have any hope of moving forward, but the heart clings to the dreams because of the beauty and fulfillment–no empty spots–it was a complete picture/story-line. We knew what to expect. We had a plan to get from point A to point B.
New dreams have risks. There are variables and unknowns. Usually you have a base to build your dreams. Our base doesn’t feel very solid. There also maybe characters we haven’t met yet and aren’t sure we trust. With that information, would you want to dream? It’s easier to cling to what I know instead of risk and let go.
Philippians 3:12-14 “Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”
In my heart I know I don’t have to have dreams, I have to have faith. I don’t have to have all of the answers, I have to trust the One who does. I have to have hope, that there is hope, does that make sense? It doesn’t always to me, either. So I have to ask my heavenly Dad:
“If I let go…will you catch me?”
Isaiah 41:10 “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
So, He’s asking,”Do you trust Me?”
My head says,”YES!” Now…if would just drop the 18″ to my heart.
Until tomorrow: Blessings