Taylor and I found this picture at the Shipshewana Flea Market. If you can’t read it, it says,”Life is a balance of holding on and letting go.” That sums up our life quite nicely.
Our scale is still off-kilter. For July 4th we did the Shipshe Flea Market, as we have for the last two years. It was fine and we had a good time, buying our own pretzels for lunch, finding a $ .99 Chocolate Christmas Cookbook, and some flags to put on Archie’s grave.
We have struggled with how to celebrate the holidays with Archie. He hated clutter. My mom’s grave has waaaaay too many things on it to suit him, but she would have loved it. Taylor and I have been trying to figure out how to keep clean lines, no foo-foo or clutter, but still see the seasons change while visiting him. We finally found it! At the Flea Market they had flags representing the various seasons. That way Archie can have his manicured lawn/grave-site and still have a lighthouse (best vacation ever) Christmas, covered bridge (awesome pic of the three of us on fb) with fall tree (like the one in our backyard) for Fall/Thanksgiving, and for now, Adirondack chairs with coffee cups over looking a beautiful scene, just because we liked spending time together over a cup of coffee. Perfect. It’s only taken us 5 months to figure him out.
That’s where this sign came in. Taylor and I have to live life. There is no other choice. We get up, both of us look forward to going to work, I get home before her so I make supper, we share a half a pot of coffee, talk most of the evening, then go our separate ways to get ready for the next day.
Taylor is just now really processing that Arch isn’t coming home, so everyday is a bit emotional for her. He knew she loved to volunteer and would be proud as could be to know she was asked to join as full time staff…but he didn’t know, and that is painful for her. She is struggling. Every step forward is a step her dad prepared her to take and now is not here to see her take it. That is the skewed calibration: being able to celebrate achievement without the guilt of moving forward and feeling like she is leaving Archie behind: holding on and letting go. He/we sacrificed so she would have the opportunities we didn’t have. His only regret would be that we had planned on helping her pay off her college, too. Since it’s just me…that’s not going to happen. But…he/we, with God’s help, got her this far.
So her struggle has turned into mine. How do you comfort someone with needless guilt? How can I give her the comfort of knowing that her dad would do it all again to give her the opportunity to finish college? How can I convey that she surpassed all of his expectations for her by achieving Dean’s List–he would have been happy with just a degree.
Romans 8:1″There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
I can remind her she has done nothing to feel guilty about. She is awesome and took excellent care of her dad when I wasn’t there. Because of her heavenly Dad providing her with her earthly dad and his support, she is free to be who God created her to be: her awesome self :D.
Psalms 68:5 “Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation.”
Deuteronomy 10:18 “He executes justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the sojourner, giving him food and clothing.”
Our heavenly Dad says over and over that He will be the father to the fatherless. I will trust His promises that He will bring men above reproach into her life to encourage and offer wise counsel where I cannot. I will trust that He will continue to provide for her and help her to live without fear of finances, food, or clothing (working where she does, the last one is pretty easy 🙂 ).
God keeps His promises. I will trust in Him. See you on Monday.