Vanilla Ice Cream

Interesting read. The nugget for the day went something like: We should not judge God by what we have experienced, but our experiences by what we know about God through the Bible.

After Archie went home we had a lot of immediate support, especially through my work. In all honesty, I wouldn’t be where I am in my healing process had it not been for Heartfelt Creations.

At that time, especially when people from work, church, or family did not know what to say, they would give us books. I have read pieces and parts of quite a few and gleaned nuggets along the way. The nugget above is from a book called “God is more than enough,” at least I think. I’m on chapter 5 of that one, was reading a nugget in chapter 6 a couple of months ago in another, finished 1.5 booklets on grief, read various applications with verses from a beautiful book with a dove on it, given to me by someone Archie respected, and other parts and pieces on this journey. It’s interesting the various aspects the different writers touch on. It makes total sense to have a variety and proves Grief Share’s perspective of “No two people grieve the same.” If they did, there would be one “How To” book on grieving, we’d finish it in a week and move on with our lives: All better. Not.

This nugget struck me because the writer nailed it for ME. I put God in the “Tracy sized clear box,” with crystal glass, of course, only the best for my Creator. Then when crap happens I pick up the pretty box, give it a shake and expect God to spit out a reason for the crap, along with some sort of condemnation for me, as if I “brought it all on myself, so repent.”

Don’t get me wrong, some of my crap is completely of my own doing. I do make mistakes and need to suffer the natural consequence or I would just keep making the same mistakes over and over.

Other times, it’s just crap. We live in a sinful world. Do I expect to get from point A (the world) to point B (heaven) untouched by painful events? That’s not exactly realistic, is it? Let’s just ask the entire world to revolve around me, shall we? THEN I’d be happy, right? I think the right terminology for that would be: Bored and a control freak.

What I’m learning is: I don’t have a clue what I want. To have the world revolve around me would be mass chaos. I cannot instruct others on what to do to make me happy if I don’t even know what that is for myself.

Rambling… .

Tonight, I’m excited. I’ve been given the opportunity to teach some classes through/for Heartfelt over the next couple of days. Two things I adore is teaching and creating. Throw baking in there and I might think I had died and gone to heaven!

To be able to teach people techniques to use to create, express themselves, encourage others, take their minds off of their own pain and make the world a more beautiful place? I did not even know there were opportunities for such things. How could I have given anyone directions as to “how to make Tracy happy” when this wasn’t even a feasible dream a little over year ago.

Self-check: if I’ve only experienced vanilla ice cream, would I ever truly know what my favorite flavor of ice cream was? No.

I didn’t know I could, so I didn’t. I sold myself short. Heartfelt says I can, so I am. In so doing they are buying in. They are placing a higher value and investment in/on me than I did. Hmmmm.

In what other areas of my life am I settling, not knowing that happiness is just one or two decisions away? With my heavenly Dad’s direction, what other people could I be helping and in so doing “find myself?” Wow God is Awesome. He wasn’t satisfied with be being content, He needed me to stretch myself, be a little uncomfortable and a lot trusting, in order for me actually to be happy (as happy as I can be, anyway 😉 ).

Proverbs 28:26 ” Those who trust in themselves are fools, but those who walk in wisdom are kept safe.”

I’m kinda “over” trying to figure out what makes me happy, because in this world there are no guarantees. That’s ok, my heavenly Dad has a much better vantage point to see where I am and where I need to go. I think I’ll just keep letting go and letting God.

Until tomorrow, Blessings!

 

 

Author: Tracy Cook

Widowed one week before our 27th wedding anniversary, Heavenly Dad continues to carry me, now blessing me with a second chance for love.

3 thoughts on “Vanilla Ice Cream”

  1. Blessings to you and Taylor. Prayers for your instructional sessions.. I always have to remind myself, in God’s time…. I have a hard time with things not happening in Joanne’s time Hahahaha I have a slight control issue. 🙏🙏🙏🙏

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