Today I feel like I am trying to make music in desolation…
First Fridays in Goshen: downtown stays open until 9:00 pm. They usually have a lot of activities, outside concessions, maybe music, kinda a mini festival once a month. Archie and I liked going, if we weren’t too tired. This week was First Friday.
Taylor and I went in April, I think, maybe March. The first two months are pretty hazy through the rear view mirror. Anyway, I didn’t think much of it until Taylor told me they were going to offer free tours of the downtown theater, including the basement!!! I asked Taylor to text me if she didn’t mind me hanging with them long enough to go on the tour with them. She was cool with it. Four things I love: history, architecture, photography, and free tours. Unfortunately, the girls were running late and I got to the theater on time and alone.
I went on the tour, asking scads of questions, going into every nook and cranny offered on the tour, having to dig the flashlight out of my purse (what, don’t you have a flashlight in your purse?). Halfway through the tour we headed back through the theater lobby to go up to the second and third floors. The girls had just arrived. Taylor was shocked I was taking the tour by myself. Ummm, was there a second choice? They went their way, I continued the tour, loving the ballroom, tin ceilings, projection room with equipment from the 40’s-50’s and incredible fire escape they’ve added this last year. After asking question #9,468,231 (at least the tour guide probably thought so 🙂 ), the tour was over and I headed out.
As I was walking down Main St., it became real that I had no one to discuss my excitement with. No one that I know loves history and architecture. I’m sure those people are out there, but not in my current realm. I walked in silence, drove in silence, and arrived home to…silence.
As I walked my memory drifted to when I was 17. I was NEVER going to get married, EVER. When asked if I was dating anyone my response was always,”Do you realize what the divorce rate is?!?!” I did not had a “happy ever after” story in mind for myself. I had a plan of becoming a cake decorator, buying a barn, living in a portion of it, and having an indoor ring for horses, in the remainder.
Then I met Archie. Grew up when he was little in downtown Richmond, VA. Middle School and High School were in the country, but he did not care for country life. He had bailed hay and helped deliver some cattle, but he liked towns and people. Country life was not for him nor did he desire to live in the country. The house I live now was just enough of a balance to suit both of us.
This takes me to two conversations I’ve had this week. Odd really, two conversations, days apart, with ladies from two different states, talking about my life now, as a widow. One asked me if I was finding I was a different person, like trying to find out who I am. The other couple of ladies said I should,”look at this as an opportunity to do the things I like to do.” Odd… .
What I am finding is: Archie and I liked nearly all of the same stuff. No, there’s actually not a lot I would change. The only real difference is: there’s no one to share the experience or talk to about it.
When we first got married we fought A LOT. We both thought we knew who we were as individuals and both were afraid the other was going to change us. The incredibly stupid part was: we were 18 and 19 year old kids who hadn’t done much of anything, or gone very far, but both thought we had all the answers. I have to laugh now because at 46…there are new discoveries to be had everywhere! There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t learn something new, or a new way to do an old process. It’s awesome.
Anyway, I was walking down town Goshen when the thought entered my mind that, had I not met Archie, all those years ago, I could have been walking the last 28 years alone, in stead of the last 4 months. Interesting. I always joked with him that I “had a plan, until he came along,” and he’d smile that Archie-only smile.
I’m so grateful for the way my heavenly Dad took what I thought was my very best plan, completely revamped it until it was unrecognizable, and gave it back to be with a wink and a smile…that looked an awful lot like Archie.
The video showed a child with a medical mask, coloring a boat. If you remember me telling you, shortly before Archie went home, his blood counts were so low his blood wasn’t clotting and he was “leaking” blood. It was crazy scary. They hospitalized him in a special room that had to have special ventilation that would not pull air from other parts of the hospital. Taylor and I were the only ones allowed to be around him without masks or special clothing. He felt like he had the plague, but was grateful that they were watching out for him.
This video just reminded me that even when everything looks devastating and the medical memories seem to haunt, He is a faithful God…forever, and faith will rise.
Thank you for sharing another day and filling my “silence.”