Holiday Check Lists

Grief Share: wow! I wish we would have touched on the topic, ooooh, a week or two ago…

Holidays and special dates: Really? That is life.

They said if we know a special date is coming, the earlier we start planning, the better (my birthday: deer in the headlights). Memorial Day? Let’s see…Archie worked every Saturday unless he took off to do something specific, sooo….we never had two days in a row just to stay home and be together, unless it was a holiday, saaaaay, like Memorial day, for just shy of eleven years… .

Grief Share said we should try to keep in roughly the same routine, but know things are going to be different. We should leave time for rest because there will be grief, and that is exhausting. Been crying on and off for two days…does that count as being part of a regular routine? Check. Oh, wait, I don’t think that’s the way this is supposed to work. What else have they got:

We might want to make plans, lists to check off, so we can stay focused when grief sneaks up on us. It may help us with the sense of accomplishment when we often feel like we are spinning our wheels. They also said to be ready to lay the list aside when good things come our way: people call to do something, little league games, recitals (none of those really apply to me….but I get the gist).

WARNING: the next couple of paragraphs are review: sorry, evidently, God didn’t think I got it the first, second or third time. Wait…does that mean you didn’t either? 😉

One of the biggest topics went back to figuring out who we are. I kind of thought we had covered that, but they spoke of the depth of the work involved with grief, comparing it to school. First round of information is just getting the basics, grade-middle-high school, then heading to college. I think this was more college related.

One gentleman spoke of taking down his wives flowery pictures and putting up picture of four guys on a foggy golf course. His kids were like,”Dad! The house looks so different!” He said,”This is who I am.” It wasn’t that he didn’t love his wife. He loved the flowery pictures because he loved her and wanted to please her. She was no longer there to be pleased… . Who were the pictures for?

Last week they spoke of how some may have little shrines for their loved ones. We all keep things that remind us of them, but we need to be aware of areas that we can get “stuck” in grief.

I don’t want to feel this intense pain forever… .

They constantly refer to doing “grief work,” because that is what it is. When you have a flashback or flood of emotion, we don’t tuck it away, we cry our way through it, then choose not to dwell on that thought/experience, but I’ve told you about that before. They reminded us that it is hard. It is exhausting both physically and emotionally. If we don’t do it, it will come out in other area of our life, negatively. Not cool. So even if I don’t want to…I need to. Crap. Yes, we’ve heard it before, but we need to be reminded again…I guess.


One thing I am going to work on this week:

Thanksgiving is 6 months away, Christmas 7, might as well get started. I’ve spoken to Pam in shipping: Scrapping Retreat in September to do whatever project you need to do, tables provided, we bring our own stuff to work on, Friday-Sunday.

Objective: Christmas cards. Last year we didn’t send any out because Vicki, Archie’s sister, passed away in early Dec. We didn’t feel up to it…next year. Guess what? That was the last time we would have made Christmas cards as a family. I’m not going to make that mistake again.

We’ve got the 4th of July and Labor Day in there, too. Yeeesh, there’s a lot of holidays in a year. Oh, wait, those are suppose to be positive, aren’t they?

ANYWAY: Christmas Card plan: check. That’s only the first item on my “check list,” but hey, it’s only been around a week!

Proverbs 16:3 “Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.”

I’ll wait and see what the next door He opens so I know what to add to my check list. As for now…I didn’t start planning early enough. Taylor is still recovering from her emergency landing and has had an intense headache/shooting pains in her head, on and off ever since, along with stomach issues. She’s planning on resting and healing. I’m extremely glad she’ll have that opportunity.

It’s suppose to rain all weekend, so no kayaking plans. Soooo…..and then there was one.. .

A group of folks got together and gave me a very special “Heartfelt” gift. They had no idea I am planning on using it as the knot for the end of my rope this weekend. But….God is good…all the time…even when it doesn’t feel like it.

As Joanne said: “One step and one breath at a time.” Check

One thought on “Holiday Check Lists

  1. God bless you, I think you are doing great!!! Losing a mother and losing a husband is very very different… I can’t imagine losing my best friend/husband. But my mom and I were very close… Mother’s Day was a hard holiday for me… So my kids and I started planning events on that day that was way out not normal… For me….. We do things that keeps my mind busy… No normal sit down dinner for this mom… So far it has worked.. Maybe it’s too late for Memorial Day, but you can work on the next. Prayers always🙏🙏🙏🙏

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