That was NOT the plan for the night. Last week’s Grief Share was about the “Why’s” people ask God, while other’s demand answers. We discussed what the difference was (demanding is trying to control God).
Taylor and I neither ask those questions to God so we found last week a little difficult to relate to. And then there was tonight… .
Tonight the subject matter was guilt and anger. They were talking about guilt, often false guilt. The video interviewed people that were saying,”If only I had picked a different hospital,” “if only we had grounded her she wouldn’t have been in the car,” “if only we had taken him to the hospital when we suspected he wasn’t feeling quite right,” and so on. I got up and left.
I tried everything in MY power to change the circumstances of Archie’s cancer, but God had other plans. My situation sucks, but I’m not God and He has his reasons. When I hear people dwelling or being “stuck” in the guilt or “why’s” it makes me–no change that–I allow myself to feel guilty that I don’t have those feelings. I have to protect the peace that I do have because everything else in my life is such a mess. Does that make sense?
Those questions may be valid and somewhere deep inside maybe I wonder, but that will not bring Archie back. The answers to those questions will never be good enough for me to be like,”Wow, God, what a great idea to take Archie home.” If I already know I’m not going to like the answer, why ask the question? Sometimes it may be better to tuck those questions into my “God box,” the mental box that contains scads of questions that I’m going to ask God when I see Him. Honestly, when I get to heaven and join Arch, I doubt if any of those questions will even need to be asked. The answers will probably be evident upon my arrival. Just a thought.
Psalms 131:1B-2″I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. 2 But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content.
Content may be a bit of an overstatement… . I am embracing my limitations, though, or at least trying. That’s why I walked out. I don’t have to understand God to trust that He sees the big picture.
That was enough for tonight. AAAAnd we made it through another day…and breathe….