Today this post popped up on Taylor’s fb from two years ago. Archie and I would have a lunch date via telephone every day. I thought I’d share what our “lunch dates” consisted of. If you read this on our fb two years ago, there are new thoughts at the bottom….. :

Thoughts for today….
Yesterday Taylor and I were discussing why negative things/physical aliments either happen or why God doesn’t heal everyone who asks.
Today @ lunch while chatting w/Arch the subject came up again. These were some of our thoughts…what are yours?

What if God came to you, like actually came to your door, and said He had something extremely important to talk about with you. He said there is this tool He has to reach those that are hurting, feel betrayed, are lost, or are hopeless. He shares His intense desire to comfort and give peace but He needs you.

Wow! God needs me! What could I possibly have that God could use? Why did He come to MY door? What could possibly make me that special?

God continues: He explains, this tool is vital to His work. People are hurting and He wants to comfort and encourage them with the use of this tool. You can see the pain in His face when He speaks of the discomfort in the world, but His brow softens and His face is peaceful as He shares the hope and reassurance the world is about to experience with your help and reliance on Him.

My heart palpitates! Help others in need? Give hope?!!!! Me?

He warns that there will be pain and sacrifice on my part. Change that….GREAT pain and sacrifice.

….what would you say?

The truth is the tool is unique to each one of use, what is yours?
Is your tool cancer? Can you relate to an unbeliever in a way that someone not going through it just couldn’t understand?

Is your tool sympathy? Have you grieved the loss of a child…a parent…a spouse…best friend? Can you cry with someone because you genuinely feel their pain?

Is your tool diabetes? Can you give encouragement to those that are just beginning this journey and express that God loves them just they way they are. Can you explain with empathy God has created them for a purpose and this disease is not a punishment, it’s a purpose?

Is your tool depression? WHAT? That CANNOT be a tool I yell…ever so reverently, of course…. . Yes, He explains. Can you teach and model complete dependency…moment, by moment, by sometimes agonizing moment, on Him? Can you can give the weight of the world to God and trust that He is big enough to carry it, even if that means giving it to Him over and over and over again?

Sometimes I feel so helpless in a world full of pain and suffering. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself because of my shortcomings and physical limitations.

What if….what if I took the focus off of me…? What if I looked for someone else who is at the beginning of a difficult journey that I just finished? What if I got up enough nerve to seek out someone who successfully completed a journey that has stopped me dead in my tracks.

What is my tool?

Then people commented so I responded:

I had one comment asking about unconfessed sin. I agree that there are natural consequences to our poor choices. I also agree that sometimes God allows nastys in our life to get our attention and get us back on track. My concern with that train of thought is sometimes we fall into an unhealthy fear/terror of God. When Arch was going through cancer I thought I had done something horrible and was being punished. Just about every step I took I was apologizing for, in case I had sinned while stepping. I wasn’t loving God, I was terrified of Him. It caused soooo much resentment! My pastor’s wife tried reaching out to me. She kept reminding me how God had gotten me through trial after trial before, loosing two children, job losses, and so on. That wasn’t helping. I was angry. Angry at myself for not being perfect enough. Angry at God for the pain my best friend was going through. Angry that I had the fear of being a single mom. I was angry. At that time my sister Trina invited me to a Wednesday night Bible study. I don’t remember what it was about. I just remember everyone got up and left and I just sat there….and I’m not sure why. Trina’s pastor’s wife, I don’t even remember her name, came and sat by me. She just sat not saying a word. I cried…and cried….and cried. She held my hand and told me I needed to write a letter to God. I could yell and scream and carry on all I wanted in that letter because God already knew I felt that way. He wasn’t going to strike me down with lightning, He wanted me to be honest with Him, and (sigh) myself. God made us who we are. He knows I can’t be perfect no matter how hard I try. I am grateful for grace: the gift we don’t deserve. In short (too late), I continue to ask God for forgiveness, but realize that sometimes as our heavenly father He needs me to go through things, feel things, in a personal way so I can put my arm around someone else and cry with them.


Crap. I’ll tell you right now the going through what ever this tool building process is….sucks.

Have I changed my view…..? No. I am empty beyond words for my best friend that completed my thoughts and was the encouraging force that caused me to move forward but I know, without a doubt, I will see him again. Can you say the same?

I hope that through the lunch date you can see we were both saying we were ready to be with our heavenly Dad, especially if it meant others would come to know him. So, I’m asking……do you know Him?

Would you like to? Just speak to our heavenly Dad, he’s only a whisper away:

A: Admit to God that you are a sinner (Romans 3:23; Romans 6:23) and repent, turning away from your sin (Acts 3:19; 1 John 1:9).

B: Believe that Jesus is God’s Son and accept God’s gift of forgiveness from sin (Romans 5:8; Acts 4:12; John 3:16; John 14:6; Ephesians 2:8-9; John 1:11-13)

C: Confess your faith in Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord (Romans 10:9-10,13) Choose to follow Him….. .

Whether this is my last blog or one of many, Archie was ready for the day he died far more that I was ready for him to go. Can you say the same? You can be. It’s as easy as ABC.



5 thoughts on “A….B….C

  1. I believe this blog is not only helping you express your pain, but it is helping others. Maybe not with the same pain but other challenges in life. I know from me , I have shared your story and words with many people.
    My prayers continue

  2. There are no words… save those already written:
    “I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
    Praying continuously for both you and Taylor. ❤️

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