“What is desired in a man is steadfast love,” Proverbs 19:22a
Today, Lord willing, marks the end and a new beginning. Eric and I made a decision for me to let go of a project that I was working on. I started it before we got together. If/when I release it, we will have the opportunity to start something together. This was a personal dream that changed after I married Eric but is still part of my identity. It marks hard work, determination, God’s provision and protection. I don’t want to say I’m proud of what I accomplished with God but I am in awe that it even happened. I can sit back in the bleachers in this graduation commencement in amazement that I was blessed with the opportunity to be involved at all. I not only helped it, but it helped me.
This situation showed me I was stronger and more determined than I dreamed. It showed me Heavenly Dad really could and would open doors for a heart’s desire beyond anything I ever thought possible. It also revealed how my dreams and desires change with time and circumstance.
As this circumstance crosses the stage, there is reverent sadness of an end but also a joy, anticipation, and excitement of a new being. If I did this one impossible act with Heavenly Dad writing my playbook, how many more does He have up His big sleeve?
Since writing this, a few days have passed. That project has been tucked into my personal archives. Each time I see the remnant, however, now in someone else’s hand, I will smile knowing the love and commitment it took to get it there.
Eric and I are stepping into the next play together. I will be the first to admit how hard the last year and a half has been. I’ve been learning to trust someone enough to let them into the life Heavenly Dad and I carved out together. It’s been Him and me. Taylor has always cheered me on and helped when doors were tough to open and I needed an extra hand. Kristian, my bonus child, has been an extra bonus blessing.
Eric and I stand at the door of an impossible dream—for Taylor and I. Together we are ready to either walk thru if Heavenly Dad opens and beckons us in or step away for a different adventure. We are trusting and wait in anticipation (Taylor and Kristian, too) to see what He has in store.
Proverbs 19:22a “What is desired in a man is steadfast love,”
The crazy thing is that either way, it doesn’t matter. God’s love is steadfast and never changing. The outcome has nothing to do with my love or walk with Heavenly Dad, Eric, our kids or family. Waiting used to mean whatever I was waiting for would steal my present. The thoughts and concerns would consume my mind and attention. The planning of worse case scenarios effected every moment like a deadly plague, robbing my joy and relationships. Not this time. Not again.
I have found my joy. It’s not in Eric, my kids or any adventure. As we wait, Eric and I have dug into the virtual Bible-loving every moment as the Bible comes to dramatic life, word for word. I allowed myself the time to praise, worship, sing and totally hang out with Heavenly Dad. I received His peace knowing that everyday is an adventure and opportunity to shine. Whatever the answer is to the door we knocked on together, the answer will be perfect.
With peace I leave you (as quoted from the best book ever written): Blessings!