1 Thessalonians 5:24 “The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.”
The sun has yet to rise but birds are singing. The house is sleepily dark but the smell of coffee hints that a new day is about to begin. I sit and listen, quietly, as cars rumble outside my window as I have for a year now, but things are changing, beginning with me.
I was gifted this blog over three years ago by my office buddy, Chris, who has since left Heartfelt to start his own business as a programer/businessman. Archie knew Chris had amazing potential and he was right. This blog was my tool of healing when walking through the hills and valleys of widowhood, the diary that caught not only my journey of grief, but growth.
The relationship I see in my blog with Heavenly Dad is personal. I painfully admit I didn’t have that in my pre-widow days. I felt my problems and concerns were small in comparison to world issues, aka wars, politics, tragedies, you know “important” stuff. He didn’t need to waste His time on my issues. I/we could handle our challenges by ourselves, like a child trying to tie their shoe but refusing any direction. Now I wonder how I ever survived without Heavenly Dad as the air I breath.
I am in awe of Heavenly Dad. Everyday He hits the “do over” button and I get another opportunity to try to do better than the day before. Some days I end with a happy,”Yessss!” Other days I fall into bed and pray for an early press of “reset.” Either way, He loves me the same and I am grateful for His provision, protection, and direction as my head hits the pillow or the alarms jolts me to attention.
The first year I wrote a lot, daily, and I rarely left the house. The second year Heartfelt opened the opportunity to travel, which umphed me towards healing and moving forward. Between training, teaching, and working the shows, I was on the road about 20 weeks, which I direly needed (unbeknownst to me).
The third year was my Cat house adventure! The mercy of Siloam church will forever be a reminder of the extreme love that Heavenly Dad has for the smallest and seemingly insignificant…but not to Him.
The end of the year three brought my best friend, Eric. He weathered the anniversaries of February loss and stood with Taylor and me, box of Kleenex in hand, and only words of encouragement.
This brings me to the last chapter of volume 1.
I was a Nunemaker for 18 years, happily traded that last name to “become One” with Archie DeLay Cook JR, and have been a Cook for 30+ years.
My friend Eric asked my daughter, Taylor, if he could adjust my future once again, and ask me to marry him. She said yes…I did, too.
My friend, Grace, asked me what it was like being in love again. I can say this: the love for Archie and Eric is completely different. They are different in almost every way (minus the love of sports but that’s because that is part of who I am). As to what it “feels” like to be in love again, I really don’t have an answer. It’s not a feeling. It wasn’t with Arch and it isn’t with Eric. I just know I want and wanted to make their lives the best they can possibly be (if I can help in anyway). Feelings come and go and are unreliable. If I stand on what I know to be true, it is going to last forever, just like my relationship with Heavenly Dad.
This isn’t the end of who I was because for three years Heavenly Dad has been teaching me what that even meant. I am not lonely. I am not sad. Heavenly Dad is providing for my needs daily, so there are no gaping holes that need to be plugged or fixed. Eric is…the cherry on top of my Sundae, or would that be whipped cream on my coffee, Heavenly Dad prepares for me daily. It doesn’t always feel like a Sundae, or at least the Ice cream bliss seems to have melted into a sticky puddle somedays, but HD has a way of reminding me that any day you wake up breathing…wake up, is a good day: a chance to try again and do things even better. Volume 2, for me, will include a “cherry on top.” A new adventure with more/a blended family and opportunity for growth.
You have stayed with me thus far, I hope you join me on this new adventure.
Until next time: Blessings!