I’m Here Now

Job 33:4 “The Spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life.”

Some weeks Heavenly Dad feels distant and quiet. Other weeks, there seem to be constant sticky note messages  from Him. Everywhere I look,”There’s another one!”

That’s the way this week has gone. After our chat about trust and faith, the notes seem to pop up, not only in my time with Him (Saturday was about staying the course and trusting Him when it’s hard) but church lined up perfectly, as well—I wasn’t even going to go to that church as I stayed close to home due to weather!! 

On it went, sticky note after sticky note signed,”Love Dad.” Since I’m itching to get into the tablet, my thought process was not exactly “holy”.  Coming clean here, everytime one would appear, in my mind I’m thinking, “Exactly how is THIS going to tie into the tablet or is it going to put me off for another week!” sigh. Again with my own agenda, can you relate?

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It’s snowing. Time for my chat with Dad and I crunch along the sidewalk, one step at a time, leaving a fresh set of footprints. The poem,”Footprints” comes to mind and I smile about the extremes: sandy footprints to arctic imprints. Both hold the same capability to show how Dad walks with me but often scoops me up and carries me when I am at the end of myself. Crunch, crunch, I don’t even notice the cold. Crunch, crunch, the light snow flakes brush my checks like fairy kisses. Crunch, crunch, I  pause and look up. The naked black trees are clothed with thick white robes that glisten in the hazy gray light like hidden diamonds awaiting discovery. I breath deeply. With so many layers I don’t feel the cold but the brisk cool air feels amazing in my lungs. I exhale slowly and watch the swirls appear and then disappear, just as quickly. I now notice: I’m here!

Heavenly Dad is shoveling. “What the…?  Dad? Why are you shoveling? You’re God, couldn’t you just turn sun rays to melt the snow in areas you didn’t want it to be? Maybe only have it snow on yards, fields and mountains, but have roads, sidewalks, and driveways off limits—I mean at least for YOU!” Heavenly Dad laughed.

“I ask you many times in My Word to mimic me. In obedience you shovel to maintain what I have I entrusted to you. I would never ask you to do more than I would do for myself. Shoveling can build muscle, stamina, and lung capacity. I may not need it but I needed you to see that I won’t ask of you any more than I am willing to do for myself. Just because someone has the power or capability to ease a duty, they need to weigh the the time saved with the lost physical benefit, discipline and time to think. I know your back has been on the amends and that’s why I sent you a helper this week-you are welcome (He winks). Are you ready to head in?” He leads, I follow as we make our way down the evergreen lined path. The door looks much larger and heavier than I remembered, with rustic timbers and cast iron hinges. This does not look like the door I came busting through a few short weeks ago, I scrunch my forehead, trying to remember. Dad laughs, reading my mind. “All things are made new, that includes the day and everything in it and about it. Each visit will be unique: different sights, sounds, and new experiences. Trust me. I have everything you need.” With that he opened the door and the aroma of freshly brewed coffee rushes out to greet us. “Come on inside.”

I made my way inside and unwrapped the many layers. Dad was waiting for me, just off the kitchen in the reading room. There was a roaring fire and a couple of rocking chairs (my favorite), a leather sofa and piles of pillows on the floors inviting me to take a plop and chill. That is what I did. As I snuggled in, I realized my perfect brew was within arms reach and I started to say, ”How did you know where…” but my voice trailed off into nothing as I saw the corner of His mouth curl up slightly. “Duh, Tracy, He is God,” but as I thought those words, He frowned sharply. 

“Tracy, I am glad you are here but I need to tell you that you just hurt me. You were created in my own image and you just had disrespectful thoughts toward yourself. When you dishonor yourself, you dishonor me. You have value and worth. You disqualify yourself from becoming who you want to be before you even know what the qualifications are. By the way, that’s in your notebook, a quote I gave to DJ, for you.”

”Dad, you are right, and I’m sorry. I’m not making excuses because negative self talk is my, ‘go to.’  I make a mistake, sometimes just because I’m learning, other times I should have known better. My instant response is, ‘I’m stupid, of course I made the mistake, it’s me,’ or other negative thoughts. I’m lost. How do I stop that? I’m sneaking up on 50 Dad! Isn’t it too late to change something as basic as self talk?”

”I make all things new, including the way you see/feel about yourself. The next point in your tablet: you nailed your first step to change that. What was it?”

Now I’m stumbling and stammering,”Uhhmmm, well..” Dad continues, “So you’ve been waiting for me to lay all of the answers in front of you. You haven’t been keeping any of this in the forefront of your mind, have you?”

I’m so busted. He’s right. I have been waiting on Him for the answers I want, when I want them, instead of reviewing my notes and honing in my focus. What a 3 week missed opportunity. As pointed out moments before, NO negative self talk! Today is the day to start. I can do this!

”That’s my girl!” Dad smiles. “The next note in your book gives the path to doing the next right thing in your journey and that is focus. Did you get my sticky notes this week? I purposefully placed them so that everywhere you looked you would see me. This week I need you to look without the sticky notes as cheaters. 

Jeremiah 29:13 You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.

The first step, now that you are choosing to fully trust Me (a choice you make every day), is your focus: what you are committed to. Things, situations, urgent and important matters are going to come up. Focus/commit them to me and I will bring clarity, for I have said,

Mark 12: 30 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.

This week, dear one, work on your focus.”

I’ve been sipping my coffee and taking all of this in. He’s 100% right and the world, with all of it’s busyness, competes for my focus. Commitment: Psalms 37:5 “Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you.”

Got it: I commit and He helps me stay committed. That will work. I put my coffee down, lean back against my pile of pillows with my arms crossed behind my head. “Why haven’t we hung out like this before?” I ask matter of factly.

”I’ve been here waiting, your coffee cup has never been empty. You just had to get over yourself. No worries. You are worth the wait and it’s never too late. I love you.”

With that, I sprang to my feet, wrapped my arms around His neck and hugged as hard as I could. 

“Thanks for not giving up on me.”

Until next time: Blessings!

 

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