Deuteronomy 31:8 “It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”
I was sharing with Pam at work about my heavy heart for a newly widowed man. In speaking with her, she suggested that maybe some of nuggets that I have gleaned on this, not so fun but necessary, journey could be beneficial to others going through grief.
When Archie went home, few people knew what to say but many had a book they wanted to share. What that looks like is a broken person, in a rumpled bed, surounded by books, while in their head a tiny voice is begging:
”Bullet points, please??? Can the first be,’How to get out of the bed that is holding you captive?’”
Many of you have been with me when I began this journey well over two and a half years ago. In eleven minutes the air was sucked out of my world and Heavenly Dad had to teach me how to breath.
He continues to light my path, one step at a time. If any of what I shared with this new friend can help someone you know, you are welcome to pass this along. As this was a personal conversation, I did ask and received permission to share what was written to him.
Let me add this: the majority of my time is spent alone and in silence. With that being said, my greatest fear is not being alone, it’s being with the wrong person. Am I utilizing sites to help me meet new people? Yes. Finding people with the same beliefs, that are not already involved in many activies, has become more than a challenge. Honestly, I really miss having a best friend.
Unfortunately, people often portray themselves as who they think you want them to be instead of who they actually are. This is what what I shared with a very new widower I “ran into,” online:
“Please be very careful on this site. I have had meet-n-greets with 3 people and NONE were who they said they were, one a twice convicted felon.
I STRONGLY suggest Grief Share and not making any big decisions for one year—feels like it takes FOREVER to get there but you only have one shot at healing . Please, have no regrets, many, many, MANY do.”
We chatted a bit later:
“You might be nearing that point where everyone else seems to be moving forward and you are the one stuck in the reality. It’s no one’s fault, it’s just part of the journey. I thought of the dating sites to fill that extreme emptiness, but Heavenly Dad gave me something else:
I learned to praise and cling to the only thing I had: truths. At first I felt no praise at all so I started with the air I breathed and the strong legs to carry me. That led to food that I eat, His provision for the $, the job, the people I work with (individually named) the car that got me to the store and so on.
When you look at your list it’s kinda crazy to think of all of the people that don’t have those things. Some don’t have a relationship with Heavenly Dad so they have no one to talk to. You, as you DO have that relationship, will never be alone.
Opportunity: what part of your marriage/things you did was because she likes them? What were things that you enjoy? I humbly suggest getting to the bottom of who God created you to be, as an individual, before it disappears into another relationship.
Blessings my friend!”
That’s the bare basics, my version of “Page 2” after Heavenly Dad had me breathing, out of bed, showered, the rest of the world was back to their normal and I was aching for mine.
I am including the song that continues to be my prayer. I am definitely not who I was those years ago, a married woman of 27 years, nor who I am going to be.
Much love and blessings