How long will you waver between two opinions? If the LORD is God, follow him; but if Baal is God, follow him. 1 Kings 18:21 (NIV)
Do you ever feel torn within yourself: who am I REALLY following?
My traveling for the year is wrapping up, I think 19 or 20 weeks from January through the beginning of November. I’m tired. It’s been good, as we are at 20 months since Archie went home, but I am ready to be home.
With traveling, then hitting the floor running the next day, heading back in to work, has left me fatigued. Fatigue comes with a price. I am normally a positive, laid back person and my daughter calls me Pollyanna or the little pink princess from the movie “Trolls,” (who scrapbooks and loves glitter, too–WHAT???). The last week, however, my fuse has been vertically challenged/aka short.
Twice my poor daughter has been on the receiving end of my reacting verses pausing, doing a heart check, asking questions for clarification, then giving feedback with wisdom. Alas, no, and then I must grovel. Taylor has offered me far more grace than I deserve, each time shrugging it off as “not a problem,” or “no big deal,” but it is to me.
In my time with heavenly Dad this morning He gave me this verse:
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31-32).
I have always heard and taught the kids I have been blessed to minister to, that we emulate those we spend the most time with. Bottom line: choose your friends wisely as that is who you will be acting like. Aaaand…then there is me.
Who was I acting like when I reacted in anger? It definitely was not heavenly Dad.
Yesterday I spent the morning at heavenly Dad’s house. He talked to me, through Pastor Dave, about being “stalled” in my relationship with Him. Amongst the nuggets I gleaned was the fact that I am only given 24 hours in a day, like everyone else, but I am the one who prioritizes what I do with that time and who I spend it with. If my relationship with heavenly Dad is stalled, the problem is not on His end. Part of that is also honoring the hours He has given me and the time table He laid out: work 6 days, rest on the 7th. I have not done that for months. Sometimes we cannot live the ideal, because life doesn’t respect time tables. His ways are far better than ours, so as a guideline I need rest, but that is still not an excuse.
Ultimately, if I believe heavenly Dad is the God of all wisdom, I spend time with Him so I can and will act like Him, react like Him, and follow His guidelines to be the person He created me to be. I best get priorities straight, so our relationship is not “stalled” because of me.
My daughter, however, nailed the “be Jesus with skin on,” when she was gracious with forgiveness. Maybe someday I’ll grow up to be just like her.
Until next time: Blessings!