Memory Lane

I will not speak to you much longer, for the prince of this world is coming. He has no hold on me, but the world must learn that I love the Father and I do exactly what my Father has commanded me.  John 14:30-31 (Exactly is definitely an overstatement if referencing me… .)
Today in my time with my heavenly Dad He took me on a journey down memory lane, 30.5 years ago, to be exact.

Do you remember when you had the “ah, ha” moment that your parents really did love you and would be with you through thick and thin? I come from a broken family, just like many of you. As if it’s not hard enough to meet your children’s/teen’s ever changing needs, try doing it as a single parent. My mom attempted to build her dream family through marriage about 14 months after the divorce was finalized from my Dad. It didn’t work out quite as planned.

The new situation was worse than the first. She was never allowed to be in a room alone with either my brother or me. My brother wised up and went to live with my dad. This may have been painful for my mom, but even she realized the unhealthy environment in which we were living. I stuck around for a while longer, being home schooled in an unfamiliar state, with no other family or people to speak to, as my 17th birthday came and went.

Thankfully, I had an aunt and uncle that opened a door of escape and out I ran, a couple of months later. Going to night school and working was not the end of a childhood that everyone dreams, especially when they were never rebellious or dated leaving even a possibility of family strife.

December of my senior year I called my mom. I explained that I was 17 and living an adult life and that was not “fair”. I stepped out of my comfort zone and put it all on the line as I told her:

-I want to get family counseling

-I want to move home

-I want to go to school like normal kids

-I want to be a kid again

She spoke with my stepfather and I went home. Family counseling, again, did not go as planned. We had a group interview as the therapist went around and spoke to us individually. At the end, she turned to my mom and told her to make an appointment but I no longer needed to go with the rest. You’d think that would be great news that your kid isn’t as screwed up as you might think, but then the can of worms was opened. Stepdad #2 would not allow me a key to his house/the house in which I lived and slept, or to be in that house alone. I was informed I needed to “find some place to go” while the others went to family counseling.

It was then that Archie, who I had never spoken to, overheard me at school telling someone that “tonight I have no where to go” and he invited me to go to his house, .5 mile from the school.

The rest, as they say, is history (that I am not talking about today).

It was during that time that everyone in that house stayed in there own rooms. There were no tv, vcrs, or cell phones back in the day, just my record/tape player and my heavenly Dad. He became my comforter, my rescue. Many tears were cried in that very empty and quiet room.

It was a beautiful house on a hill overlooking a field, but “beauty is only skin deep” rings true in houses just as in humans and the love shown in the house, but not within my four walls. My heavenly Dad was there, even at 17. The world was ugly and cold, but my heavenly Dad was always there to listen and comfort. In that room, void of other humans, my “ah, ha” moment was realized. Later, He allowed me Archie to show His love, with skin on.

I should explain that when Arch met me I did have issues. Someone had called me “fat” at 112 lbs, when we first moved to VA, so I refused to stay that way. Archie met me at 87 lbs, as a 17 year old senior in high school. The poor guy gained 15 lbs trying to get me to eat. In so doing, I truly believe he saved my life.

The prince of this world wants nothing more than for me to dwell on what I never had growing up and lost as an adult. That love and protection have never left me as it is in every shadow, every tear, every moment of this life my heavenly Dad has urged me to live. In Grief Share last week they said something I did NOT want to hear,”Your loved one can never be replaced but was not essential to your existence.” Essential…I beg to differ, but begging will not get me the peace that my heavenly Dad has and is waiting for me to embrace.

John 20:21 Again Jesus said to them, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent Me, so also I am sending you.”

When our heavenly Dad takes you on a walk down your memory lane, where in that story did you have YOUR “ah, ha” moment with Dad? If you haven’t yet, you still can.

Deuteronomy 31:6 “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

What ever you are going through, know that you know that you know…He will always be there for you, even when the world: your friends, family, and job…are not.

Until tomorrow: Blessings

2 thoughts on “Memory Lane

  1. Wish we could have provided all you needed at that time … and glad we could be there for you. We have good memories of your time with us (remember trying to do senior pictures in Sioux Falls?) but knew you were going through a lot of difficulty. Still and will always love you lots – and our door is always open when/if you need it. Praying for you daily …

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