It’s lunch time at work. I love my job. A weird thing just happened: I received an order from a company, “URGENT! Must fill order by this weekend to make consolidated shipment!” I bustled and got the order entered. I then notice, at the very bottom it reads, “Shipment to leave on the 26th.” Since today is is the following week, that is not possible.
I ask Cindy,”Do we have a time machine somewhere that I don’t know about?” Seconds later I shot back,”If we do, I’m taking it back to February.”
I gasp. My face leaks.
I said it so quickly I didn’t think of the depth of the hole I would fall through. Then I think to myself how stupid this is that I feel this way. My emerald side is arguing with the rest of my mind that my situation,”Is what it is. Suck it up, Buttercup.” I just wish it were that easy.
To go back in time… . Two days before Archie died he said he was not in pain for the first time in four and a half to five months. Granted, he was wearing a pain patch and taking pain meds every four hours, but still, I was counting the blessings. His cancer counts had dropped from 6,230 to 130, so he was kicking the snot out of the cancer, and he was joking again. Yep, that’s the only day in February I would pick. The next day he was still in a relatively good mood, still pain free, but he just couldn’t stop the nausea.
To go back just one day over the last 27 years, though, would have to be on the lighthouse vacation with Taylor and Archie. That was an entire week of no work for Archie. Every other family vacation there were always stops for work so he could never “turn off” work mode.
Can I have one–just one–of those days? I would take Archie’s face in my hands and tell him how special he was. I would say, with urgency, that he didn’t need a title to have value. He was priceless and irreplaceable to Taylor and me. I would ask that he do whatever it took to make sure he would be around for the long haul.
There is no time machine, just an unoccupied chair. No face to hold, just an empty jacket that I still sleep with on really rough nights. Oh, for one more day, early enough to try and make changes so the outcome could be different. Alas, that is not meant to be.
We saw danger signs. We knew the stress he was under. Changes could have been made. Decisions were made not to change them. You know the out come.
I have to ask: are you on the same path? Do you know the pit at the end is there but are telling yourself you still have plenty of time to veer left or swerve right? How do you know? If the pit comes raging at you while you are running toward it, are you prepared to…fall?
Proverbs 12:15 – The way of a fool [is] right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel [is] wise.
We received wise counsel, but waited too long. If the pit is there and you know it, I urge you, seek and listen to wise counsel NOW, before it’s too late.
But…what do I know?
Until tomorrow: Blessings!