When I was in Chicago and I had down time alone, I couldn’t help but have a bit of a pity party. Since I left the streamers and poppers at home, I grabbed the generic fruit loop cereal, made coffee and turned to the only other One in the room.
I honestly didn’t know where to start, I just knew I felt empty. Here I was in this amazing city, had no one close to share it with, the exciting part of the trip (teaching) was the next morning, so I had to get through another night before anything good could happen. I hate nights. They get in the way of days :p. That was not always the case.
When Arch was here, I loved nights. It was my favorite part of the “day.” We had each other’s full attention. We’d curl up together and talk through our days, “Uh, huh-ing,” and reflecting the excitement, disappointment, or anticipation in the other’s eyes. Now, the nights are quiet and I’d almost swear the bed has grown in size and is emptier then I ever dreamed possible.
I sat munching my cereal (yes, I could be on Seinfeld) and asking my Heavenly Dad to help fill my gap. Was He there? I wanted to ask, “Can you hear me now?”
I read His guild book mostly on the computer. My eyes are not as young as they once were and I enjoy the lighted screen, especially when lighting in the room isn’t bright. I read His last message to me. Nothing. I didn’t “feel” any different. Have you ever had that? It’s like, you hear people say they have these “revelations” from God at reading some passage so you think that if you hold your tongue right the next time you have time with Him, you are going to literally hear His voice, have a vision, or at least “feel” somehow different.
Hmm…waiting…aaaaaand…nothing. Crap. Maybe my tongue wasn’t in the right place. What was wrong? Confession. That’s it. I must have done something terrible, so now He’s not speaking to me! No…that’s not it either. Poo.
So, I just began talking to Him. Then I started with worship music on Youtube. I’d listen to some, others were annoying…know what I mean? But then I got to this one:
Warning: there is a view from inside a car crash that is a graphic. It caught me a little off guard, so if you are faint of heart, I would suggest not watching it. Others will think I’m nuts for even mentioning it:
“Thanks Dad. I needed that.” And then I slept just fine.
See you tomorrow. Blessings