…his face was wrenched with pain and then I woke up! That’s how my morning started today, looking at the agony on Archie’s face.
I got home yesterday and the front bush/tree is beginning to bloom. Bright pink, HUGE blossoms, I have no idea what they are. Archie always complained that bush needed to be cut back. Last year I suggested we just make a larger box around the base so he wouldn’t have to walk into the limbs when mowing. He loved the idea, but didn’t have time. Next year… .
So, I’m sitting in the van and tears are filling my eyes, AGAIN, with the thought of Archie missing his first spring. Fall was his favorite, so that is going to be a killer season for me, but I loved the freshness of spring. The newness. Those trees with the brilliant purple buds that later turn green? Arch was going to get me one of those…someday. But for now we didn’t know where to put it, so it stayed on the back burner. Besides, we had the pretty pink bush :).
The thought then occurred to me: I wonder if it is spring all the time in heaven? Maybe God likes the four seasons, so the radiant leaf colors of fall without the clean-up, the quiet monochromatic simpleness of snow covered pine trees and mountain tops (but maybe without the arctic temperatures?), and sunny beaches with the roar of the glistening waves with the sunshine’s reflection. That’s where Archie is. Whatever is “perfection” to God, that is the view through his eyes at this very moment. What an amazing thought.
My dream with Archie’s pained look? NO! He has none and never will again(double negative, a definite no, no–did it again 🙂 ). I spoke of dreams before, characters/people in my life with new scenarios: That is one scenarios I am grateful will never EVER come to pass. Arch will never again experience the feeling of PAIN. My heavenly Dad is a God of compassion and is caring for my beloved Archie. For in heaven:
Revelation 21:4″He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”
As for me…I listen to music more now than in over the last 20 years. I have this grief void, this hole, that is God sized. I pray often but when the emptiness is screaming and my mind is swirling with the uncertainty of my new path, music is the knot at the end of the rope. Like Archie, my heavenly Dad reminds my, through the lyrics, He still has my back. He is merciful and loving, but I cannot expect Him to be who I WANT Him to be, I have to step back and allow God to be God.
He could have healed the cancer, but instead my heavenly Dad healed Archie…by taking him home. Healing=my tears.
This is my song for the day.
Blessings, friends…good night.