Three Days

Another day to be grateful, even though technically I shouldn’t be. The rolling  of the lawn flattened the grass big time (thankfully) and today it was still half flat so mowing would not have been beneficial. So sad :D.

That was actually super awesome, because it’s crunch time for Taylor’s graduation. I have been stressing about everything I need to do. I want to do things but every time I start, I feel like the elephant sits back down on my chest. Today we rearranged the garage as we had to dig out serving trays, steam warmers, and long lost decorations. The more we dig, the magnifying glass grows stronger for the hole gaping in my heart.

Archie is everywhere and in everything. There is a memory attached to every item in our house because I didn’t do shopping much by myself. It wasn’t fun unless I got to “bounce the idea off” of Arch. We used to window shop on dates. We even bought our groceries together until two years ago. His hours were too crazy so Taylor and I would go during the week so his weekends wouldn’t have to be spent on more “half tos”.

The good news is that we did have all the serving trays we think we need. Then we needed to go through pictures, just her time in college. Wow…I am kind of the honorary photographer so there were more pictures of Taylor with her dad than Taylor alone. Tears.

Let’s add a little more emotion to the day: We went through Archie’s winter jackets. He had some that were torn, were years old and he no longer wore, or he just didn’t like but thought he’d offend us if he got rid of them. So we got rid of them for him. More tears. Even tossing items he didn’t wear, but owned, means less of him is in this house. Now the question: Why does that hurt so intensely?

*****

This morning we attended a baby shower for a very special young lady. After the shower they shared that she has developed a serious physical condition. The treatment could affect the precious little one she is carrying. We all gathered around her and prayed for them and their family.

Suddenly it hit me: When I pray do people think,”Why is she praying? God didn’t answer her own prayer for her best friend, why would He answer it for anyone else?”

Matthew 26:39″And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.”

My heavenly Dad didn’t answer his own son’s prayer the way Jesus would REALLY have liked it: not to have to die to pay for other’s sins, not even his own. We also prayed,”Not our will but yours… .” but like for His own son, my heavenly Dad knew the reason for the creation of Jesus and every moment of his life. So it was with Archie. It wasn’t that God didn’t listen, he knew what was best.

Arch was so incredibly sick. No one he worked with knew, only we at home.

My heavenly Dad blessed him with energy that we hadn’t seen since September for the last three days of his life. We got a glimpse of who he was…he was still in there, under all the cancer, and pain…he was there…but then he wasn’t….anymore. But we had three days… .

I don’t know if I’ve ever given you the song I played at the funeral for my prayer for God to move the mountain, but He didn’t. I/We still trust Him, and I hope and pray you do to.

Here is my song:

 

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