Wow…..really? Remember when I wrote about how in this grieving thing you think you conquered something, or a least muddled your way through it, and then WHAM! it hits again?
Today while processing orders one of our store owners left a note. She apologized for being late with her order…because her hubby just past away. Whoooosh…the day Archie died washed over me!
This time it was like looking at it from behind a thick glass wall. Seeing myself driving, constantly dialing for him to pick up, knowing (from behind the glass) what I was going to walk into. In my mind I wanted to pound on the glass and warn myself….but what would I have said? “Your world is about to change and will never be the same”?
Then Taylor being so incredibly nauseated, unable to stop vomiting, that same night. I was unable to comfort my child, confused about what my next step in life was going to be, and clueless as to how to even begin that next step.
Our customer’s journey is just beginning…… . Tears, a little for myself, but mostly for the pain she is experiencing. We are going to send her a card from all of us at Heartfelt. I thought of adding glue, to fix a broken heart, but know that no amount of adhesive could hold all of her tiny pieces and make everything better.
I was trying to figure out what verse I would give her….
Isaiah 41:10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
God is with her. He has the strength to carry her. He will be with her when the fear of the unknown comes creeping in.
These are His promises, but there’s more to a relationship with my heavenly Dad than just requesting his magic wand to appear and take sorrow away. He has surrounded us with caring people who “loved on” Taylor and I. In so doing we are now able to take our eyes off the focus of loss (yes, we still cry) to comfort others. It’s not the end of our story.
We do have hope, even hope for joy to return. It visits, now and again. For a while there was a guilt every time we felt happiness, which is sad, for that was not Archie’s intent when he went home. I guess another verse is needed:
Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.
One at a time: One opportunity to comfort at a time. One smile and laugh at a time. One moment alone with my heavenly Dad to listen to where to step next, then trust that we will not fall. If we do stumble, He is there to catch us. One day at a time… .
We’re on our way.