Every night Taylor and I come home from work, let out the pups, feed them supper and then take care of ourselves: we assemble our evening meal, retire to Taylor’s apartment, turn on the Christmas tree (the last one that her dad helped decorate, so it’s never coming down), pop in a Matlock, then Taylor starts her homework. Yeah. Soon after it’s time for “mom’s coffee,” kerig style. The pot was for dad and mom… .
Tonight is not a bad night. A nice change. This week was rough with finally somethings falling into place but then other areas falling completely apart. Either way, before Archie went home, nothing was “real” until we told each other, so I’m still trying to figure out how to process everything. There are no other eyes to look into to see worry or excitement, so it’s up to me to gauge my reaction. No reason to hit the “pause button” because the answer to the question in my head about how I “feel” is no longer on their way to meet me at home.
Every choice I make at home seems like a challenge. Even a coffee cup. Really? The Kermit the Frog cup that Archie was soooo proud of himself that he actually found for me or the Grace college mug that matches Archie’s and holds the word that means so much: Grace= a gift I don’t deserve. It’s a cup, who cares? Unfortunately…I do.
I really feel like I have been blessed a lot in my life. If you look at an outline, you’d think I was nuts for saying that. The Topics, all capitalized, of course, by order of importance, would suggest I was cursed in someway.
The subtopics listed beneath each Roman numeral would reveal the hand of God. For each trial boldly presented, beneath is a quiet act of God, written in lower case letters, showing God’s ever presence, love, and support. Presently though, it’s more than a little difficult to read His writing.
Even tonight, I miss Archie so much I just ache and there is nothing I can do….. . I read the letters from my heavenly Dad, aka the Bible, and know that I will see Archie again(hope), but for now…..it still hurts.
Taylor and I were doing our Grief Share homework, (yes, Taylor works full time, is a full time student, and now has added grieving homework to her daily list of “to do’s”. Prayers are greatly appreciated–2 wks 4 days left of classes… .) and her phone goes off. Normally she ignores it during our “sharing of grief” but Kevin Spry, who we worked with at Dutch Maid Bakery tagged us in something–and Archie was in it! We put a temporary halt on grief and tuned in. This is what we saw:
This was Archie and my other favorite song. Taylor and I went back and forth if we should include it in the funeral but ultimately, Archie wasn’t going to be there….tears. It was wonderful to see our song with pictures of us, especially with Taylor and her dad. She is suffering excruciating pain as the parent that is most like her…..is gone. Graduation is on the horizon and they would be cracking jokes, break dancing, and making sarcastic remarks as they were walking into their father/daughter sunset. Now there is a single shadow from the sun shine reflecting off a solitary 21 year old figure, aching for her dad.
This is the one thing I know he wished he would not have missed… .