Blue, Pink, and Raging Wolves

Ben and Ellen

Archie and I went to a marriage seminar years ago that spoke of men hearing and speaking in “blue” and woman hearing and speaking in “pink.” It was actually very accurate. Sometimes, no matter how I tried, I just couldn’t understand the point he was trying to make and vise versa, he, with me.

They also talked about how men sometimes thought about nothing. Seriously. The guy said his wife would say,”Honey, what are you thinking about (because we woman ALWAYS have SOMETHING going through our minds)?” The guy up front said he would answer,”Ummm…..nothin.” Her response was, of course,”You have to be thinking about SOMETHING!” The guy answered,”No……really, nothing.” He explained that men go into a “man box.” He said they seriously can sit and think about….nothing.

I laughed. I turned to Archie and said,”Is that true?” He stopped and thought a bit. “Yah, I never thought about it before, but yes, that is true.” Wow! That was one of the most insightful things I have ever learned! Through the next 11 years, if Archie was quiet, I’d ask him,”Are you in your man box?” He’d look at me, pause, smile and say,”Yes, I was.” I stopped asking, “What are you thinking about?”

Today Benjamin at work informed me that he read an article stating woman need more sleep than men because our minds are going/thinking at a greater rate of speed. I don’t know if that was true because I think Archie could give just about any woman a run for her money during any week day. He was always thinking about something, usually boat related. Weekends, after his every Saturday work, he would relax a bit and allow moments for his “man box.”

I do admit, my mind usually is always running like a movie reel. I’ve been getting a lot of bills in the mail from Archie’s cancer, I’ve got dog appointments coming up, and life a head full of the unknowns. In my mind I am being hounded by a vicious pack of wolves, chasing me whenever I leave the shelter of our home. I can feel the patter of their paws thumping on the ground, as they pursue me. I can hear the barks and howls drawing near as I scurry from the house to the van and slam the door shut, moments before they attack.

I drive to Heartfelt, my second place of refuge, take a deep breath….and RUNNNN for the door, with the gnashing of teeth echoing in my ears! I force the door closed, their front paws and faces striking the glass. I can hear and see them scratching at the door, demanding to come in. But they can’t, because I am safe.

That is truly the way I view life right now, chased by the scary unknown, but….that is only my view if I am focusing on the beasts through the glass. If I take my eyes off of the fangs in the portal, I see a gentle man with kindness in his eyes, arm open, bent at the elbow, and ready, as if to escort me safely to my vehicle. As He opens the door, the wolves sit with respect, then bow to the Master. We walk across the parking lot, not a whimper is heard, as He opens the door on the passenger side and beckons me to take a seat. He speaks softly,”I’ll drive you,” closes the door, then appears in the driver’s seat.

There will always be scary adversaries or challenges that I will be afraid of and want to run. If, however, I look for the Master, the One who controls the very breath of my opponents, what do I really have to fear?

This morning the fury savages were raging and I did not want to get out of bed. I chose to do the “next right thing” and made it to work and found the picture I have included with this post:

This is Ellen and Ben. Ellen is the Creative Administrator, designer, booking agent, and way too many other things to include in this blog, and Ben is the Plant Manager, HR, Payroll, and awesome guy that buys our keurig cups (that’s my favorite part of his job). I found out today that when Arch was hospitalized and diagnosed with cancer, Ellen had an idea:”How about a pizza fund raiser to help with the Cook’s expenses for chemo and the time he can’t work?” She was on a mission….but the original target ended sooner than anticipated.

Today as I slammed the door of Heartfelt in face of howling beasts, our loving comforter met me with 25 employees, paid regular wages, to build 500 pizza’s for a man who is no longer here to support his family. He, the Master, looked just like Ellen and Ben, arms open and bent at the elbows, escorting me to safety. Oh, and if you hadn’t noticed, Ben had surgery last week, so he was crafting with a single arm….wow.

2 Corinthians 4:8-10″We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 10 always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.”

My life right now may not be anything that I wanted, but I haven’t been sold for 30 pieces of silver, stabbed in the back by my best friend, auctioned off for the loudest call of an angry crowd, nailed to a cross while still alive, then jolted as the cross was dropped into the ground, ultimately dying to pay the wages of sin–that I never even committed!!! All out of love….? In comparison, I need to count my blessings: my family at Heartfelt who refuse to let me fall on my face in despair or be attacked by the ravaged beasts of fear. It was a truly humbling and amazing day. God is awesome.

Many thanks to the loving arms of Jesus which look, act, and feel like the incredible owners and employees of Heartfelt Creations.

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