Our family’s favorite show is Psych, a psychic detective show. We reference lines often and play off the humor in various situations. One character was a regular in our house, “Clisthby” from the “Clue” episode.
Clisthby is a butler in that bit. Arch and I just loved saying the weird name. Every Sunday morning, whoever would get up first, would sneak out to the kitchen, make coffee, and then when the other would wake up to the smell we’d announce “Clisthby” had made coffee. Every Sunday Clisthby was welcomed with smiles and gratefulness, whether it was Archie or me.
Today’s was Sunday…..
Taylor surprised me this morning. She brought coffee out from her apartment, whole bean, ground it and made it for me, with a huge smile on her face. Clisthby showed up in a new form. Tears.
Yesterday Taylor and I were talking about marriage and the different views people have. We were sharing how many relationships seem to change after the “I do’s” are said. We see some spouses work out and go to activities that interest the other…..until those magic words. It’s like they feel some sort of a race had been won so there’s no reason to train or even act like they ever participated in the event/sport. We spoke of the comparison to “mom and dad’s.”
Archie and I had a quirky relationship. We put our own twist on Luke 6:31 “Do to others as you would have them do to you.”
Our take was: “Do for the other BEFORE they can do for you.” Taylor described it best. “It was like a competition.” She was right. We would plan on doing things for the other person, before they could do it for us or for themselves. We loved making each other smile.
I have stated many times how important marriage counseling was to us. We were the best of friends. Sometimes we got so busy with life, too busy for our relationship with God and each other, our theme turned to, “Do to the other before they can do to you.” At that point one or both would call a truce and get help. That was not who we were and we could not/would not cause harm to the other. Heart check. Both knew in our hearts the other would never do anything to intentionally hurt our soul mate.
That was how our fairy tale worked. How’s yours? What’s your theme or how’s your game? What do they say,”Don’t hate the player, hate the game.” If your game is off, get help. Do you even have a game plan? Do you need to call in an experienced coach to get you refocused and back to winning….ultimately, winning each other’s hearts?
Heart check: How’s your heart? Are you intentionally hurting the other person? Is that who you are?
Is your spouse intentionally hurting you–no, REALLY. Do you really think that is their “goal in life”? Seriously? Is that who they are?
If the answer for both is, “No, this is not who we are,” than make a change. You have one shot at your fairy tale, so don’t screw it up(that means, give it your best ALL the time-“all in“).
Your marriage is not about you, it’s about pleasing God. If you both focus on God, you can’t be focusing on yourselves, now can you? Hmmm…what a concept. If you are too proud to get counseling you’re too proud, period.
I saw a sign over the weekend, but I do not know the author: “I love a good fairy tale, but ours is my favorite.”
I hope you can say the same.