Antibacterial everything. I’ve lived that life since Archie’s diagnoses. Sani-wipes, anti-bacterial hand sanitizer in purse, van, medbag, beside the bed, hanging on the walls in the hospital. These were to protect Archie from the world, as with his blood counts down, he was susceptible to everything and unable to fight off anything. Life in a bubble.
The world is so contradictory. “All germs are bad.” Don’t they give us immunizations, which are technically tiny bits of horrible diseases, so we can build up antibodies to fight off the actual disease(should it happen our way)? I’m not in the medical field, so I could, and more than likely am, waaaay off in my thought process.
Isn’t that the way we think, though? We never want anything bad or negative to happen. A life full of bliss is the only entree on our menu of life. Please leave off the appetizers of discomfort, fear, or fatigue, thank you very much. While your at it, no dessert that doesn’t include Ultimate Happiness, Never-ending Love, or Unvanquished Adoration.
Through pain, though, don’t we learn maturity? A two year old keeps trying to stick his finger in a light socket. Their loving mommy or daddy gently taps his hand. Politically incorrect, but that little displeasure has taught them to keep their hands away and ultimately saved their life.
Some parents don’t want their kids to have a pet because “when it dies, it’s so painful.” and…..the child will learn responsibility, love through sacrifice, and empathy for others suffering loss. Love is always risky…but worth it.
I think of David in the Bible. That man was God’s favorite and he definitely did NOT live a sani-life. There was no protection up front. Grief, he played the harp for Saul and almost got speared. He was the chosen king but had to run for his life for years. He was oogling a married chick on a roof top, messed that up completely and ended up having her hubby killed–doesn’t sound like that “plan that sounded so good in his head”, quite worked out the way he thought it would. Dude, really? His life was not bubble worthy. No chance for protection against negative anything. But…he was God’s chosen and God loved him very much.
Do you think God wasted his time? That man botched so many opportunities. Was God’s love wasted? Couldn’t God have chosen some sort of a robot fella who walked the line and followed the rules, stayed in his safe bubble, the sani-life? But David was the man “after God’s own heart.” 1 Samuel 13:14.
Two days before Archie went home, Pastor Jason and we were chatting about loss, kinda creepy in retrospect. One of the subjects we talked about was: Loving someone is sooo profound. Would it be be better to never know that kind of love, so you would never feel the grief/pain when one partner dies or would it be better to love intensely and then grieve immensely?
Loving intensely and over a long time (ish, 27 years still doesn’t seem that long) was not loving in a bubble. We both botched things up on occasion, disrespected each other, and were sometimes down right mean. No amount of antiseptic could have prevented the pain we inflicted on each other over the years. On the other hand, our love and forgiveness was undeniable and surpassed anything anyone could have described to me as a child. Risk well taken.
So I guess what I’m saying in my ramblings is, I’m glad I didn’t live in a bubble. I’m glad I loved intensely, even though I am grieving immensely. I have no idea what my “lessons in life” are going to be on this leg of my journey, but I learn something new everyday, proving my current immaturity in Christ.
Just as a side note: I know God still loves me because if He still loved David, as long as I own my mistakes, I don’t think He’s going to hold anything against me. Do you think? 😉